#it’s good to give fics the ideal reading environment they deserve

[azumasoroshi]

top ten worst feelings when you accidentally irreversibly delete the ao3 comment you were writing and you have to rewrite all your screams and writhing of agony with like 50% less enthusiasm. like the AUTHOR gonna know the difference but i will and i feel BAD

[azaisya]

late submission for qijiu week day 2 (curses/blessings)! have roughly 3k of lighthearted fic feat. outsider pov and getting together. rating: t

When Qi Qingqi returned from a mission with Yue Qingyuan’s unconscious body slung over one shoulder, the entirety of Cang Qiong Mountain imploded. Disciples ran everywhere like chickens with their heads cut off, and half of the Peak Lords followed suit. 

Mu Qingfang didn’t know—or care—about any of that. He was the one that Qi Qingqi dumped Yue Qingyuan’s unconscious body on, and so it was up to him to try to find a cure. 

For a sleeping curse, of all the absurd things. 

The demon had supposedly been putting entire villages to sleep so she could feast on their dreams. The stories had been alarming enough to warrant sending two Peak Lords to deal with the problem, but everybody had agreed it was probably overkill. 

Well. Apparently not.

At least Qi Qingqi had managed to behead the thing after it’d cursed Yue Qingyuan.

Demons rarely used sleeping curses. It was an impractically complicated method to get something that could be achieved with simple knockout powder or any blunt object. 

Unlike knockout powder or a blunt object, Mu Qingfang didn’t have the cure sitting readily on his shelf. 

He was just starting to sift through what he did have when the distant crash of his door slamming open interrupted his concentration. He grimaced. One of these days, Shang Qinghua was finally going to snap and go after Liu Qingge for destroying so many doors. 

“Where is he?” a voice demanded, as low and snarling and dangerous as any demon. 

Mu Qingfang hastily put down his things and made for the entrance room as the danger level ratcheted up from Liu Qingge to Shen Qingqiu. 

Sure enough, Shen Qingqiu was standing in the doorway, glaring one of Mu Qingfang’s disciples into a nervous wreck. “Tell me where he is, you sniveling brat.”

The poor boy looked like he was about to faint. Mu Qingfang came into the room and smiled pleasantly. “I would appreciate it if you could refrain from insulting my disciples, Shen-shixiong.”

Shen Qingqiu whirled on him, and the little disciple let out a squeak and ran for it. Mu Qingfang would have to scold him later, but he wouldn’t be too stern. All his disciples were terrified of Shen Qingqiu, and  for good reason. The man looked absolutely livid, his usual affected loftiness abandoned for a raw fury that even Liu Qingge couldn’t draw from him. At his hip, Xiu Ya rattled in its sheath. “Do not make me repeat myself.”

Mu Qingfang’s smile didn’t slip. “Zhangmen-shixiong is currently resting in a private room.”

“Resting,” Shen Qingqiu repeated, the word dripping with derision. He opened his fan with a sharp snap of his wrist, and his dark eyes glinted over its edge. “Let me see him.”

“Ah.” Introducing an element as volatile as Shen Qingqiu to a sick room was invariably a terrible idea. Explicitly telling him so was an even worse one. “Shen-shixiong, I’m afraid that Zhangmeng-shixiong’s state is currently very delicate. It would be best if he didn’t receive visitors right now.”

If looks could kill, Mu Qingfang would be a smear on the floor right now. “Was I asking?”

As mildly as ever, Mu Qingfang said, “I wasn’t aware that Shen-shixiong and Zhangmen-shixiong were close? If Shen-shixiong is truly so worried, then I suppose a brief visit would not be remiss.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened over his fan. “I’m not worried,” he snapped, “I am merely doing my duty, as the lord of Cang Qiong Mountain’s second peak.”

Got him. Mu Qingfang smiled, not at all smugly because he still had common sense and Shen Qingqiu still had Xiu Ya. “Shen-shixiong is truly admirable. Zhangmen-shixiong is still sleeping, and this one was just about to create a cure.”

Shen Qingqiu floundered as gracefully and loftily as he did anything else. After a beat, he closed his fan with a snap and whirled around. “Fine. Do it quickly.”

“Of course.”

Shen Qingqiu drew Xiu Ya in a dramatic sweep and leapt into the air. Mu Qingfang squinted after him. He was heading in the direction of Xian Shu Peak, which was not where he should be going if he was truly “doing his duty as the lord of Cang Qiong Mountain’s second peak.”

Which— interesting. Mu Qingfang hadn’t been aware that Yue Qingyuan’s frankly painfully obvious affections were returned with anything other than reluctant tolerance. 

He could think of no other reason for Shen Qingqiu to go haring off to Xian Shu Peak if it wasn’t to harass Qi Qingqi for more information about the demon that had cursed Yue Qingyuan. 

Well. At least that was a better use for his energy than pestering healers who had work to do. 

Mu Qingfang gave it an hour before either Shen Qingqiu or Qi Qingqi got fed up enough with each other to draw a blade, which should give him at least an hour and a half before anybody came running to him for emergency healing. 

With a sigh, he got to work. 

---

It took them forty minutes. Mu Qingfang barely resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose as a hysterical Xian Shu disciple babbled about how Shen Qingqiu had attacked Qi Qingqi—

“Like a beast! For no reason at all!” the girl cried, “He’s going to kill her!” 

Mu Qingfang considered his options. He didn’t like Shen Qingqiu, but he would never deny the man the respect he deserved. He was acerbic and impossible to work with, but he would never just attack Qi Qingqi for no reason. It was far more likely that she’d snapped at him and he—in his state of heightened stress—had overreacted and then she had overreacted too. 

Mu Qingfang smiled his most dangerous smile. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you properly. Would shizhi mind repeating herself?”

The girl made a vague choking sound and hastily dropped into a bow. “This humble disciple apologizes for her disrespect! She—humbly—requests that Mu-shishu sends medical aid to Xian Shu Peak!”

Mu Qingfang kept smiling, because otherwise he was going to make a very unattractive expression. “What exactly did Shen-shixiong and Qi-shijie get themselves into?”

The girl wavered, still refusing to meet his gaze. “This disciple is unsure. Guo-shijie sent this one here as a— as a precautionary measure before anything terrible happened.” 

Mu Qingfang did not have time for this. He sent her away along with a handful of his best disciples to assuage her wide-eyed look of terror and irritably returned to his work. If Shen Qingqiu or Qi Qingqi got themselves hurt badly enough to need his help, then they’d need to wait their turn.

---

Thirty minutes later, there was another knock on his door. With a heavy sigh, Mu Qingfang gathered himself and went to open it. To his surprise, Shen Qingqiu was standing outside. He had his fan raised to cover the lower half of his face, and his hair and robes were only mildly ruffled by his flight here and whatever brawl he’d gotten into with Qi Qingqi.

Mu Qingfang just smiled and waited. It would do Shen Qingqiu some good to have to actually ask for what he wanted. 

Those dark eyes narrowed over his fan. “Have you made any progress in your research?”

Mu Qingfang kept smiling, because otherwise he’d probably bang his head into the door. Did Shen Qingqiu think that constant interruptions were the ideal environment for productive work? Is that what was happening here? 

It didn’t seem like he really wanted an answer, because Shen Qingqiu continued, “Qi-shimei shared the details of the incident with me. I would like to inspect our Zhangmen-shixiong’s condition myself.” He lowered his fan to reveal a smile that suggested it wasn’t a question.

Mu Qingfang did sigh this time, because apparently Shen Qingqiu cared about Yue Qingyuan! Who knew! Definitely not somebody who’d been forced to sit through their sniping at meetings, that was for sure. “Shen-shixiong may come in,” he allowed, “so long as he maintains the peace of the chambers.”

There was no point keeping him out, after all. He was practically vibrating with stress as it was, and there was no way he wouldn’t cause some other disaster if Mu Qingfang turned him away now. 

“Of course.” Shen Qingqiu closed his fan with a snap. “No need for Mu-shidi to chaperone. I’m sure he has much to do.” Without waiting for a response, he strode past Mu Qingfang and through the door to Yue Qingyuan’s sick room. 

Which. Great. Excellent. 

Mu Qingfang spent exactly three seconds valiantly staring at his work before giving up and following after Shen Qingqiu, fully prepared to do some kind of damage control. To his surprise, the other man was standing motionless in Yue Qingyuan’s doorway, toes barely over the threshold. The hand holding his fan was white with tension. 

Cautiously, Mu Qingfang said, “Shen-shixiong is free to enter.”

Shen Qingqiu’s shoulders tensed. He turned, unfolding his fan with a smooth, languid motion and bringing it up to cover the lower half of his face as he peered at Mu Qingfang. “Mu-shidi should get back to work. Cang Qiong Mountain needs our sect leader, after all.”

Mu Qingfang stared at him. Shen Qingqiu’s eyes were the color of lakewater at its murkiest. They were a deep grey-green, and they were filled with something terrible and unreadable, something that was somehow even more frightening than his usual hissing, spitting fury.

Ah, he thought, suddenly. 

“I’ll find a cure,” he promised.

Shen Qingqiu’s fingers tightened around his fan. His eyes narrowed, as if he were about to scoff, but in the end he just looked back through the door at Yue Qingyuan’s unconscious form, arms tucked neatly at his sides and blanket drawn up to his chest. Without another word, he turned and stalked out.

---

Mu Qingfang read many, many scrolls. He looked through all his notes, attempted all his usual solutions, but the demon’s sleeping curse was tenacious. It clung stubbornly to Yue Qingyuan, locking him in dreams no matter what Mu Qingfang tried. 

In the end, there was only one solution left. 

. . . Shen Qingqiu was going to eviscerate him.

---

“Are you telling me,” Shen Qingqiu hissed, all but vibrating with poorly-disguised fury, “that the only solution is to sleep with him?!” 

“Dual cultivation with a suitably powerful partner, yes,” Mu Qingfang replied evenly, smiling as if he wasn’t sweating bullets. The other Peak Lords, summoned for an update on their sect leaders’ condition and now attempting to melt into their chairs to avoid Shen Qingqiu’s rapidly building wrath, happily avoided eye contact. Liu Qingge had probably zoned out two sentences into the meeting. 

Shen Qingqiu tilted his chin up, both dismissive and derisive all at once. “You have access to resources of the most powerful sect in the cultivation world, and the best you can give me is dual cultivation.” 

Mu Qingfang did not flinch. It would’ve been a near miss, but Shen Qingqiu’s now obvious affection and concern for Yue Qingyuan had diminished his wrath to the hissing of an overprotective kitten and also Mu Qingfang was probably running on a few too many days without sleep. So he said, “Unfortunately, yes, that is accurate.”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes locked onto him. Several tense moments passed. Shang Qinghua, several chairs away and not at all involved in the action, was nearly purple with stress. Finally, Shen Qingqiu stepped back, drawing his anger into some secret part of himself until nothing was left but a cold, cruel elegance. “Well! How far the majesty of Cang Qiong Mountain has fallen.” His lip curled into a sardonic sneer. “If I am ever cursed and the only solution is to sleep with my unconscious corpse, then just slit my throat and put us all out of our mistry.”

Somewhere in the back of the room, somebody mumbled, “Please.”

Shen Qinggqiu’s teeth clicked together. “Mu-shidi,” he said, in the same voice that made Mu Qingfang’s disciples piss themselves, “Surely there are some books on my Qing Jing Peak that you haven’t yet looked over. How can you make a diagnosis when you haven't done all the research yet?”

Mu Qingfang considered slamming his head onto the table. Unfortunately, he doubted that Shen Qingqiu’s mood was permissive enough to allow such dramatics. 

. . . it was never permissive enough to allow such dramatics. 

With the pleasant smile of a man who had definitely already read every single relevant book on Cang Qiong Mountain, he said, “I suppose I may have been remiss in my responsibilities. Zhangmen-shixiong’s condition is in no danger of worsening, and so there is no harm in further examining what information we have.”

Shen Qingqiu’s smile might as well have been fanged. “Good. I will drop them off as soon as possible.” With one last glare at the rest of the Peak Lords, he turned sharply on his heel and strode from the room in a flurry of green silks and danger.

Shang Qinghua sagged into the table. Qi Qingqi snorted and patted Mu Qingfang on the shoulder. “Good luck with that one, Mu-shidi.”

Mu Qingfang carefully did not stop smiling.

---

He waited until he was safely alone in his workshop before slamming his head on the table. It didn’t solve anything, but it did technically give him several seconds of shut-eye and that was better than nothing.

He was interrupted—once again—by the sound of his door violently slamming open.

“Shen-shixiong,” he said, peeling his face off his desk.

“Mu-shidi.” Shen Qingqiu sat down next to him and folded his hands neatly in his lap, deceptively demure. “Is dual cultivation really the only way to cure Zhangmen-shixiong of his curse?”

Mu Qingfang peered at Shen Qingqiu’s sleeves. They didn’t look very full, but there was no telling how many books the man had shoved into them. “There may perhaps—” Theoretically, possibly, somewhere. “—be other alternatives.”

Shen Qingqiu tilted his head down in acknowledgement, but his eyes never left Mu Qingfang’s. “But this is the best solution.” He didn’t wait for a response before adding, words crisp and only mildly colored by the revulsion he’d displayed in the meeting room earlier, “Dual cultivation with a suitably powerful partner is the best solution.”

“Yes,” Mu Qingfang said, not even bothering to summon his usual smile. It was what he’d already said in the meeting, after all, and Shen Qingqiu wasn’t looking for his smile anyways. 

Shen Qingqiu’s lips turned white as he pressed them together. He didn’t speak, but the glint in his eyes made it clear that he was waiting for something. 

Mu Qingfang had absolutely no idea what. If anything, all he’d learned from this entire affair—beyond the surprising effectiveness of sleeping curses—was that he could not read Shen Qingqiu whatsoever. Here he was, pale and tense and snappish for a man that the whole sect was convinced that he hated. 

“Would—” Shen Qingqiu began, before stopping and scowling at the wall. “Would. My cultivation level. Work.”

“Oh.” Mu Qingfang wondered if he should even bother being surprised anymore. At least this was one thing he’d already known about his Shen-shixiong: he was an absolutely abysmal communicator. “Um.”

Shen Qingqiu’s cheeks colored, and he quickly said, “Not that I want to do this. But Zhangmen-shixiong deserves better than some brute like Liu Qingge, and there’s hardly a wealth of cultivators powerful enough to match him. So excuse this lowly one for his flawed foundation, but—”

Ah, what?! Mu Qingfang had not asked for any of this??? Hastily, before Shen Qingqiu could ramble himself into changing his mind, Mu Qingfang said, “Shen-shixiong, you are one of the most powerful cultivators in the world.” There was a reason that he’d been able to last as long as he had in duels with Liu Qingge in their youths. “You would absolutely, ah, work.”

Shen Qingqiu’s fan opened with a snap. It did little to hide the redness of his face. “Ah. Well. Good.”

“Right,” Mu Qingfang said. 

They stared at each other. 

Shen Qingqiu bristled, shoulders tilting upwards again, and Mu Qingfang realized abruptly that he was about to get eviscerated if he didn’t leave very, very soon. Quickly, Mu Qingfang exclaimed, “Well! Good. I’ll take my leave first, to allow you and Zhangmen-shixiong your privacy. You know how this works?”

“Of course I know how this works!” Shen Qingqiu yelped, too indignant to maintain an even tone. 

Mu Qingfang smiled. It was perhaps his first genuine smile since Qi Qingqi had absconded after dumping Yue Qingyuan’s body in his arms. “Good. I’ll leave Shen-shixiong to it, then.”

Before Shen Qingqiu could figure out how to stop spluttering, Mu Qingfang gathered his things and quickly vacated the premises.

---

Well. He supposed that was one way to do things.

---

Yue Qingyuan was up and about by the next day. Any assumptions Mu Qingfang had had about Shen Qingqiu wanting to be private about his affairs were quickly dashed. Yue Qingyuan walked into the next Peak Lord meeting with, ah, marks visible high enough on his neck that his collar couldn’t cover them, and he seemed utterly incapable of keeping his eyes off of Shen Qingqiu. 

Shen Qingqiu ignored him as usual, but Mu Qingfang was sitting close enough to see that they were holding hands under the table.

Which. Great. Excellent. Exactly what Mu Qingfang wanted to see at every sect meeting for the rest of his life.

“It’s all your fault, you know,” Liu Qingge said.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Mu Qingfang protested. 

“No, it absolutely is,” Qi Qingqi said glumly, “I can’t believe we have to watch Zhangmen-shixiong making bedroom eyes at Shen Qingqiu every single month.” 

Mu Qingfang put his head on the table. Maybe if he just ignored everything, it would all go away. 

“Did you see them yesterday?” Qi Qingqi continued, “They were wearing matching outfits.”

Shang Qinghua, inexplicably, shot Mu Qingfang a strange gesture with both thumbs sticking up. “Nice.”

“No,” Liu Qingge said.

“Absolutely not,” Qi Qingqi agreed.

[ao3 link]

[aperrywilliams]

The Request - Part II (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist - Requests

Part I / Part II / Part III

———————

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Reader is the Spencer’s best friend and although she has some doubts she'll ask him to do something big for her.

Word Count: 4312.

Warnings: Hospital and pregnancy topics. Some curses. References to masturbating. Slight smut. Fluff and angst mixed. I don’t know how to do a ‘pure’ type!

A/N: Thank you for your comments and feelings about – now- Part I. But, I have big troubles to do things short so is why this fic will have 3 parts. Like always, impressions, comments and any reaction are welcomed. Thanks for reading! Don't worry, this will have a happy ending. If you want to be in the taglist for this one, let me know!

——————–

I don't deserve a friend like Spencer. I have always been able to count on him, even in the darkest moments of recent years. I would say he is the only person, besides my mother, who knows me so well. Our friendship started almost immediately after I joined BAU over 4 years ago.

It's true when they say the BAU becomes your family. I feel that way too, but with Spencer it was something more special. The first time we talked, I remember being impressed by the amount of knowledge that was in that brain and it was coming out of his mouth. I understood pretty quickly why they called him the ‘resident genius’, and when the rest of the team seems fed up with Spencer's ramblings already, I enjoy them to this day.

In addition to his big brain, something that sets Spencer Reid apart is his kind heart, his genuine concern for people. I'm not saying the rest of the team don't have it, but everything seems so transparent and genuine on Spencer. Over time I learned his good heart persisted despite all the suffering he had to face from an early age. His resilience still amazes me.

I can say I’m one of the lucky people who earned his unconditional love and friendship. His concern and loyalty are bulletproofed. Sometimes I feel bad for not being able to retribute even a small part of what he has given me in all these years. And more now, asking him for something so personal and untimely. I’m not proud of that. I didn’t want Spencer to feel compelled to give me a positive response to my request. But I couldn't have thought of anyone other than him.

Why him? I have asked myself that question several times. I suppose because our friendship goes far beyond what I could have with another person. And yes, I must confess this also confuses me sometimes. I started thinking about that again after what happened with Darren.

I'm not going to lie, when I started working in the BAU I was attracted to Spencer. To some extent I assumed I was mistaking admiration for attraction. I accepted it that way. I was starting a relationship and didn't want to mess up things at work, so I just assumed my feelings toward Spencer were admiration, care and concern. I became convinced of that through the years.

But now my world has completely collapsed. The emotional stability I was used to just disappeared. What I believed was safe in my life no longer exists. Dreams, goals... all in doubt and suspense. What do I want for my life now? I still have my job, I have my friends. Is that enough? Is it normal there were days when I just want to just breathe and not have to make any decisions? Not to have to worry about what I would do the next day? The feeling of floating in an emptiness consumed me much of the time after my breakup with Darren. I had to rethink what things I wanted for my life. Refloat my own wishes stored in a drawer.

I think my big conclusion from all of this was I have to do the things I want to do. Don't give up, even if I fail. Losing the fear of failure. My efforts are on that now. I’m not taking this lightly. Of course I thought about all that it means to bring a new life to the world. Or at least in the possibility of doing it. That is one of my biggest wishes kept in the drawer. And while it may not work, I don't want to get the feeling that I didn't try, that I didn't put any effort into it. I know, they are not the ideal conditions, but after all ... is there an ideal condition for this?

My own internal ramblings were interrupted when I saw Spencer walking towards me. We take the morning off to come to the clinic to do new tests and take samples. Of course, we only told the team that Spencer would come with me to the doctor since I hadn't been feeling well. Nor was it a complete lie.

“Hey…”. He sat down in a chair next to me.

“Hi…”. I replied with a smile and looking at him.

“Have you been waiting for me for too long?”. Spencer glanced his watch to calculate the time he have been away.

"Not. I left the lab no more than 20 minutes ago.”

"And are you okay? Was it painful?". Despite the fact that I had previously explained to him what the procedure would be, he was still worried.

"Yes, I'm fine. It was not painful. Uncomfortable yes. How did it go for you?”. I also knew what the procedure would be for him, but I thought it was kind of me to ask.

“Well… it’s not so easy jerking off and cuming in a small cup. You need to do some magic to accomplish that”. A blush in his cheeks told me he was some embarrassed.

“I thought men could easy to get that kind of task done.” I joked. Spencer looked me with a shy smile.

“Not really. It’s not a natural environment if you know what I mean.”

"Uhm, I thought this kind of places had all the supplies needed to do that."

“Not all... I think.”. Spencer sighed heavily.

“A comfortable chair?”

“Yes”

“A TV with porn on it?”

“Yes”

"Naked woman’s printed magazines?”

“Yes”

“What they forgot?”. I couldn’t help to laugh.

“You could think every men are the same. But things that turn us on are not the same, you know?”

“Ok. I get it. I’m sorry if I’m pushing too much”.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. What happen now?”

“We need to wait. Results will be ready in a couple of days… and, we’ll need to do this again if doctor agree with the treatment. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Whatever it’s needed. You know that, right?”. He looked at me with an open smile.

This man is gold. I could only reply with an intense kiss on his cheek and barely modulating a ‘thank you’ with my lips.

The days progressed and we had little time to worry about the results of the tests. Three cases on completely opposite sides of the country kept us pretty busy. When I returned from the third case to my place, I received a call from the fertility clinic saying the doctor had analyzed our results and that if we started treatment promptly, we would have a chance of having a successful result. I immediately called Spencer to tell him. I was so happy.

Without hesitation, Spencer took a treatment to strengthen his production of ‘little geniuses’. For my part, I had to face a series of injections with hormones and supplements. I had to make changes to my diet and try to be 'healthier' in my daily life. I did it without protest. However, the hormonal pump had me at the limit of the bearable. Those days before the 'implantation' were a torture, and not only for me, but for everyone around me. The team and Spencer himself included.

One day I was in the conference room crying without stopping. Every person who came to ask me what was happening received a yell from me and a 'leave me alone' in response. It was evident that it didn’t go unnoticed. What's more, I'm sure they went to ask Spencer what the hell was wrong with me. I couldn't control myself. From one moment to the next, Spencer entered the room and saw I was sitting in one of the chairs with my head between my knees and covering my head with both hands so that no one would see me.

"(Y/N)..." he said sitting in front on me and taking one of my arms so I stopped covering my head.

"I know what you are going to say. But I can't help it. I'm sure they already asked you what was happening to me.”

"Yes... they are worried."

"What did you tell them?"

"That you were going through difficult days, that your doctor had adjusted your medication doses and that had you out of balance." 

“Thank you…” I muttered. “Fuck Spencer! This stupid hormones!... I’m crying and can’t stop...”. I felt my body tremble because I couldn't stop crying.

“I’m sure it’s pretty normal...”. Spencer tried to hug me to try to calm me down.

“Normal or not I don’t like it...”. I replied letting out hard sobs.

“Eventually you’ll feel better soon...”. I know he was trying to reassure me, but in my anger blindness I didn’t get it.

“I don’t want feel better soon... I WANT IT NOW!”. I yelled him. It was a shout too loud for he jumped up and stopped hugging me.

“Maybe if you go home and try to sleep...”. Spencer wasn't giving up trying to calm me down.

“Damn it Spencer! I just need to blow up!. Leave me alone!”

“Okay”.

That was his last attempt. He got up from the chair and walked to the door to leave me alone with my outburst. At that moment I realized what I did. I quickly got up and grabbed his forearm to stop him.

“Sorry. Spencer, I'm so sorry. Really, please don't go. I know you are trying to help me. Please forgive me…”

I started crying again. He came closer and hugged me again. This time I accepted his embrace, sinking my head into his chest. I felt so overwhelmed and not clear why.

"You will be fine. You just have to be patient. You have received 5 times the amount of hormones that your body is usually used to having. That affects your ability to handle emotions, among other things. That is why you do not even know why there is times when you feel like this. But I can assure you this effect will diminish, especially after the 'procedure'. Your body will slowly adjust to this.”

I just let out a sigh. The tears stopped falling and I looked at my guardian angel right in his eyes.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you." I rose over my feet and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. He said nothing. I could only see some confusion in his eyes. I'm also not sure why I did it, but it was what I felt I should do. Spencer was about to say something, but at that moment Penelope entered with something in her hands.

"Boy Wonder told us you were not feeling so well, so I made you this hot chocolate. I'm sure you’ll feel better with this". She said that, handing me the mug.

"Thank you Penelope. And, please forgive me for how I treated you today"

"Don't worry my little one, we've all been through bad days, right, Boy Wonder?". Spencer nodded, with his hands in his pockets.

"Well, I'll go back to my desk. If you need anything else (Y/N), let me know." Saying so, he left the room.

Spencer was right. After the fertilization procedure, my hormones started to regulate a little, as well as my mood. Although the procedure was quite uncomfortable, at all times he was with me. I had to ask for a few days of leave in order to recover a little. Those days the team was out of city for a case. Spencer called me every night to ask me how I was doing. I didn't want to admit it, but I was anxious.

In addition to the anticipation, there was something more stuck in my head. I began to see my relationship with Spencer differently. I mean, it's not that we stopped being friends from one day to the next, but I felt the need to be close to him all the time. I tried to explain that thinking my emotions were totally distorted. It was possible. But without realizing it, I began to notice things about him that I had not taken attention before. His eyes seemed more beautiful to me than before, they spread a serenity that I had not found before. His smile was able to lift my spirits even though it might be the worst day of my life. Feeling his hands stroking my back gave me pleasure and calm. Every time he hugged me it was like feeling at home. What was happening to me?

I was scared to think I could be "using" Spencer to overcome my breakup. Many months had passed since that. But this felt different. Ours was a kind of complicity that I hardly managed with Darren in the years we were together. This was really starting to confuse me. Spencer was right. This was going to change the relationship between us, but I didn't think the result would be to start falling in love with Spencer Reid. Maybe I was very naive thinking that I could separate things well. The worst thing was that I didn't even know how to identify what I was feeling in first place. Eventually we could have a child together. How could it not have occurred to me that this could have unexpected consequences between us?

The days passed and to avoid getting more confused, I tried to put some distance between us. He did the same. We spent less time together, talked less on the jet, came less frequently to my apartment. Although at all times he never stopped worrying about me, how I felt or if I had pain.

That afternoon of March rained incessantly. Almost at the end of winter it seemed that heaven wanted to tell me something and I was not going to like it. I was sitting in the doctor's office. This time I didn't ask Spencer to come with me. My hands were sweating, my legs were shaking. I knew what the conversation would be about. Throughout the post-insemination cycle there were no signs of pregnancy. Only the confirmation of the doctor was missing to clear my suspicions.

"Sorry. In this process we try all possible methods trying not to be so aggressive with your body. But the results are not as expected. At this point it is minimally likely that you can get pregnant. Now maybe you could try… ”. Before he continued speaking I interrupted him.

"Thank you Doctor. For now I think that's it. I don't feel able to do anything else. Maybe… I don't know, at another time… ” I tried to say it with the utmost integrity that my broken heart and body allowed me.

"It’s okay. I’ll be available for any questions you may have. I'm sorry again."

And so my hopes were shattered into a thousand pieces. I expected it, but hearing it was much more painful than I thought. To try to calm down I started walking aimlessly in the incessant rain for a few hours. I didn't mind being soaked, at least that way no one would notice my tears falling.

If I wanted to, my feet took me to the place where I knew I could find comfort. I went upstairs to the second floor and knocked on the door. Quickly it opened, revealing a worried Spencer seeing how I was in front of him completely soaked and with my eyes puffy. Without hesitation he pulled me into the apartment, closed the door, and hugged me.

"Spencer, don't hug me, I'm soaked." I said as I raised my arms so he couldn´t touch me.

"I don’t care. Come here." He knew. He knew exactly what was going on. "Sorry, I'm so sorry," he said as he kissed my forehead.

"Me too. I really thought it might work…” My strength was over at that moment. I collapsed crying in his arms.

"It's okay. Cry all you need to. I’m here".

Spencer tried to comfort me by stroking my back and whispering words of encouragement into my ear. I spent a few minutes sobbing in his arms, until he broke the hug when he noticed that I was starting to shiver.

"Come, let's dry you and change your clothes"

And we did that. He took me to the bathroom and let me take a shower. He went to his room and looked for some clothes that I could wear. He left everything tidy on the table beside the toilet, along with a towel and left the bathroom.

The hot water helped me compose myself a little. I dried myself and put on the clothes Spencer had left for me. I got out of the bathroom and saw him in the kitchen making coffee and something to eat.

Without saying a word I sat next to the table. Spencer joined me, leaving two mugs of coffee and sandwiches on the table. He sat next to me and took my hand.

"You need to eat. If you don't want to talk, that's fine.”

"Thank you. You know what this is about, though, right?”

"Yes I know. So I don't want to pressure you to have something to say."

"I'm just disappointed. And although I expected it, it doesn't stop hurting less. I really wanted it to work.” Tears no longer came out of my eyes. Just sighs from my chest.

"Me too" he confessed.

"Really?. Don't you feel even a little relief? ... after all it was a life for this world. It is not a small thing. You said it before.” Surely my voice sounded hurtful but I didn't know why.

"Of course not. It was something you wanted… and I was determined to give it to you if it was within my reach.” He didn't even hesitate to answer.

"Why? Because are you my friend?". Spencer looked at me oddly. It was not an expected question for him.

"Yes of course. Because we are friends. Because I want to see you happy." I should have stuck with that answer, but for some reason I wanted to keep pushing.

"Only for that? There is no other reason?". I really didn't know why I was doing this. But I couldn't stop.

"What do you want to ask me (Y/N)? Whatever is in your head, just say it." I could feel Spencer becoming uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Are you going to deny that you have feelings for me?". His eyes widened suddenly, but I didn't see any intention that he was going to say a word, so I kept talking. "Are you going to tell me that in all these years you never thought of me as more than a friend? Did it not occur to you to have something with me?"

I know I was being unfair. I was projecting my own revived desires onto him. But I couldn't help it. His demeanor changed to a much more defensive one.

"Does that matter now? Do you really care now how I feel about you?". That was a revelation that I didn't expect to hear so quickly.

"Of course I care. I always cared. I've always cared about you, Spencer."

"If it really were like that, you wouldn't be asking me these questions right now when you know I can´t answer those." He said, standing up from his chair, walking and leaning himself against one of the walls looking out the window avoiding my gaze.

“Why can't you answer my questions now? Because am I hurt? Because do I have to accept that there are things that I won't be able to have in my life, no matter how much I want them? Because do I look vulnerable?”

“Exactly. This is not the time for that.”

“I just want the truth Spencer. I'm tired of assuming things, of false hopes, of not having any fucking certainty in my life.”

Spencer looked at me with sadness in his eyes. I'm sure he evaluated all the possibilities in seconds before saying anything.

“Do you want the truth? It's okay. I will tell you the truth. I've been in love with you for years!. I've been trying for years to convince myself that the best way to be by your side is by being your friend and leaning on what you need!. I have believed for years that I have done my best to make you happy. And one day you come and ask me to be the father of your child... or rather, the sperm donor.

And if I told you that this was not the time to talk about this, I’m not going to stop now. I told you this was going to change things between us. And now, no matter how hard we put it into making it ... it didn't work. And not only you lost (Y/N). I lost too. I lost my friend, I lost the only thing that kept me happy, which was to make you happy and I lost the secret hope of being the father of a child with you.”

After saying all that, Spencer walked over to the couch and sat with his hands on his knees and head facing the floor. I was speechless. I pushed so hard that now I had a love confession and the person I love the most in this world hurt because of me.

Perhaps if the words were not enough, the actions could help express what I was feeling at the moment. I walked over to the couch and sat next to him. I took one of his hands and squeezed it to look at me. When he did, I moved closer and my lips brushed his. I stayed still a few seconds waiting for his reaction. He did nothing, just closed his eyes.

Without waiting any longer, I let myself go and now I caught his lips with mine kissing him with all the intensity I could. He tried to keep still, but began to reciprocate the kiss with almost the same desire that I felt at that moment.

We started making out in his couch. His hands taking my cheeks. My hands around his neck playing with his hair. Needy kisses, clumsy kisses, intense kisses. All at the same time. I felt wanted. I felt loved. Was it the same as I felt? I had trouble thinking about it in that precise moment. I just knew I needed to feel it, that I needed him. My body and heart had become dependent on Spencer Reid. And that moment, I didn't mind accept it anymore. Between kisses Spencer tried to speak.

“You asked weeks ago about what turn me on. The answer is you. You drive me crazy in all possible ways. You can’t even imagine the whole picture. It’s so frustrating and so addicting at the same time.” He said this words as his lips traveled from mine to the skin of my neck and my collarbone.

“Please, show me… show me how you love me.”. I was begging him to take me right then.

“This is what you want?”. As much as desire consumed us both at the time, he wasn't going to do anything that I didn't agree with. So I tried to be as explicit as possible.

“Yes. I need to feel you. Make me feel again.”

“This is not a solution, you know?”. Spencer said as he took the edge of the shirt I was wearing and pulled it out. Meanwhile I released his tie and unbuttoned his dress shirt.

“I know, but it helps. Please, just do something.”

That was enough for him. He got up from the sofa, took me in his arms and carried me to his bedroom. He gently laid me down on the mattress, while he began to remove the clothes that were still in my body. He did the same with his garments. He lay down next to me, touching softly my body and looking for my needy lips.

“I could keep touching you all night long, do you know that?”. His raspy voice was almost a whisper in my ear.

“Prove it. Show me you mean it”. Desperate to feel him I just wanted him to not stop kissing or touching me.

“You will gone in the morning”. He said as his fingertips explored the skin between my legs.

“This matters now?”. Spencer shook his head as his fingers moved dangerously to my wet core. The sensation was so pleasant that moans escaped my mouth and I could stop them.

“No. If this my only chance. So be it”. Without leaving his ministration in my body his lips caught one of my breasts, sucking the nipple and letting out moans that made my skin vibrate in pure ecstasies.

“Are… you expecting… I say it back?”. I managed to ask although I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

“No. I’m not expecting anything right now…just I want make you feel good. This is enough for me”

“Spencer, I never… wanted to hurt you…”. Even though my senses were lost between pleasure and lust, I felt like I should tell him anyway.

“I did this to myself… nothing to apologize”.

That was the end of our talk. After that the room filled with only moans, gasps and our names sliding from each other's mouth. If I had to describe the moment, I must say the times that I could have fantasized about something like this, they didn't come any close to the reality.

I felt alive again. The warmth of his body was like firewood for my cracked humanity. I let myself go and I let myself be loved. Spencer showed me exactly what his words said earlier. He meant it. And the only way I could think of to show him I cared too was giving him my body and soul that night.

———-

Taglist: @mortallythoughtfulgurl  @cielo1984​@blameitonthenight21 @icantevenanymore1  @hopebaker  @eternalharry  @britishspidey  @tiktokslut  @jessydestroy  @mollygetssherlockcoffee  @colalcherryhunt @fukyouthink 

———-

A/N 2: Reader is still confused about her feelings to Spencer and she will talk to someone of the team about it. Who you think must be this person?

[askhubertvonvestra]

Hubert I think that you'd make a good dad some day. Who cares what your dad did, you are not him you are Hubert Von Vestra and you'd be a better father than he ever could.

Your confidence is appreciated, however, I cannot ignore the potential that I might, through lack of experience to the contrary, be unfit for child rearing. I won’t subject a child to that undeniable risk. Not until I can be certain it has been properly addressed, in any case. A father must give more than mere protection. As that is my element, I’ve not yet cultivated the skills necessary to raise a child in a sufficiently loving environment.

A child cannot be expected to understand the subtle manners in which I convey affection. As the parent in this speculative scenario, it is my responsibility to express that in a way that is apparent to them.

I could manage, I suppose, but I would rather offer more than simply making do.

As the chance at fatherhood becomes easier to realize in life following the war, it is at once a more daunting prospect. The fanciful belief that I could be a deserving father is certainly tempting, but I can’t see a reason to give into blind idealism now. I must be prepared well in advance.

Read mun’s FE3H fics on AO3 | Gift mun a coffee

[queenangst]

1/? I'd like your thoughts on something whenever you have time. I've read a lot of fics that delve into Bakugou's reaction to Aizawa's words during the press conference. Specifically about the part where the reporter said it was a possibility that Bakugou might be coerced into becoming a villain and Aizawa defended him by saying he was trying harder than anyone to become a top hero and he'd never become a villain. Anyway, basically across the board, all of the fics I've read about this

2/? have a soft Bakugou thanking Aizawa for believing in him and it's always portrayed as such a deep moment between the two. Don't get me wrong, I love this dynamic for sure. But I was thinking about it and why it's such a big deal for Bakugou to have Aizawa believe in him. Bakugou grew up with constant praise. He's been told his whole life that he was going to be an amazing hero. He never experienced otherwise, as far as we know. It shouldn't feel that special for Aizawa to believe in him.

3/3 Of course, I get that it holds a lot more weight coming from a pro hero and someone he respects, especially since it was such a public thing too, but idk. I just don't see it impacting Bakugou as heavily as it would impact say Midoriya or Shinsou or someone who has experienced nothing but opposition. Sorry for the long ask, this was just really bugging me and I'd really like to know what you think about it.

hi, nonnie! 

first of all, this is a great question, and i’m honored you chose me to ask it, haha. second of all, i wrote a fic that deals with this too (Coming Up For Air), and i think the fic reflects my opinion of where Bakugou is heading in canon and the answer i’m about to give for this. 

disclaimer: this post is my opinion and my interpretation of Bakugou’s character, and i’m just one person. this is not a post about Bakugou’s relationship with Midoriya, or what he “deserves,” rather simply a response to the question as best as i can give it in my eyes. some people will agree with me, but just as many people may disagree, and that’s okay. this is what i think.

A lot of this comes from interpretation, because Bakugou isn’t exactly someone who’s throwing around his feelings and saying what he means. Bakugou expresses himself through his actions a lot, so you really have to squint sometimes.

Bakugou, after entering UA early in the series (and even now) has been presented with the idea that while his skill and prowess is as much as he believes it to be, there are for the first time other people who are just as strong if not stronger than him. And he has to be strong. He can’t be weak or helpless, because that’s not how the world works. 

To Bakugou, he has to be strong; he has to be the winner. There’s no other option. And he has to be the best. And... he has to become the number one hero, because All Might exemplifies these values—heroes are strong, and All Might always wins. 

What about Bakugou’s fears, and how he sees himself? Bakugou, in canon, has been on a slow road in breaking down his entire worldview, in changing; he’s meeting people who challenge him in every way, and who make him face a part of himself he... really isn’t ready to acknowledge. He’s changing, and part of that change is the slow realization that he’s flawed (and this, I think is something he’s always aware of but tends to ignore, reinforced by people praising his strength) as well as his past behavior. The problem is he can’t acknowledge the idea that he might not be a good person, in the present tense. Then he’s not like All Might at all. Then he’s not better than anyone, and he might be closer to a villain than a hero (he’s not, but he may think so). 

Kamino shakes Bakugou to the core. You’re right in that Bakugou has been praised his entire life. But let’s look at the difference between what that is and what Aizawa is saying, and the contexts. 

Bakugou’s been praised for his Quirk, his strong conviction, his strength, etc, etc, in an environment and in a mentality where Quirks alone are enough to make a judgement about your worth. 

In the news conference, one of the reporters asks about Bakugou’s possible “mental instability” due to the Sports Festival and his “violent” reaction. What if, the reporter is asking, the villains try to use those qualities to their advantage, and make Bakugou a villain? 

Bakugou wants to be a hero. He needs it. He’s driven extremely to this point.

The reporter is asking a question that strikes at what I believe is one of Bakugou’s biggest fears. That he might be weak enough, that he might not be good enough, that his actions have led to a group of villains thinking Bakugou would join them. That the League thinks Bakugou has the potential to be a villain, that he could be persuaded. This means everything Bakugou thought about himself was wrong.

At the same time, the villains are telling Bakugou that their side is the “right” side. Bakugou loves winning. He has to win. The League pinpoints that, trying to manipulate Bakugou into the idea that becoming a villain is the winning side—they’ve all suffered under hero society, under being bound by rules. They chose to kidnap Bakugou out of all the students because they thought they could convince him to be a villain. “More than anyone.” His fear, though Bakugou knows he would never.

But Aizawa refutes this directly and completely. 

Aizawa, as Bakugou’s teacher. Aizawa, who is unafraid to expel a student if they don’t meet his standards, if he thinks they have no potential. Aizawa, who is the person who at this point knows Bakugou well enough, who is one of the people integral to shaping Bakugou’s future. Aizawa, who is candid; Aizawa, who believes.

Aizawa first takes responsibility for Bakugou’s actions as a failing on his part. He follows this by pointing to the same event that the reporter does and gives reason to it: Bakugou behaved that way because he has “strong convictions and ideals.” And, “more than anyone, he pursues the title of top hero with everything he’s got. If the villains have mistaken that for a weakness, then their thought process is indeed superficial.”

Bakugou isn’t a bad person. He has bad qualities. He is extremely flawed. And he’s done a lot of bad things. Aizawa isn’t saying that he hasn’t, but rather confirming and validating what in a sense Bakugou—who has been kidnapped by villains and just asked to join them—needs to hear: that he is worthy of becoming a hero, that he can become a hero, and that he would never under any terms become a villain. 

On a level, Bakugou’s own conviction would never let him believe otherwise. But it also means a lot to hear this from someone who is “close” to him—Aizawa, one of the few figures that Bakugou truly and genuinely respects, and who knows him. 

You can’t compare the impact on Bakugou to Midoriya or Shinsou, by your example. Each of those characters would be impacted differently, though not lesser; just because Bakugou presents confidence to the villains doesn’t mean that he isn’t scared, or that Kamino isn’t affecting him (more of his reaction is what we see post-Kamino, etc). And what Aizawa said was really, really powerful. 

This is my viewpoint, as a fic writer and a person who likes Bakugou. I’d encourage you to go back to canon and find more to add to your own interpretation and ideas, but thank you for trusting me. I hope I explained myself well!

[houseswolo]

Day 1 - 'Tis The Season To Be Thirsting

"Look Rey, mistletoe! Join me... please!"

Aight, aight, here's kicking off the Thirst Order Advent Calendar, and our Thristies' showcase!

Azuwrite

(Tumblr: @ashtyntaytertot | Ao3: Azuwrite )

What got you into Star Wars?

It’s been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. We had Star Wars toys and products. My little brother and I used to fight with our toy lightsabers. I always remember my mom saying Chewbacca was her favorite too (it’s not her icon on Disney plus) joy

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

I walked out of TFA HATING kylo Ren. Now, walking out of TLJ? A completely different story. The force bond moments definitely helped, but the moment that made me fall in love with Ben solo was when he chose not to kill his mom sob didn’t help that I had become a mom in that time haha

Why do you write / make art?

It’s a great way to get the creative juices flowing (hehehe). I have so many ideas to get out there! Not enough time though weary getting to write/proofread/make mood boards can really be a highlight of my day.

The Object of your Thirst…

Obi Wan Kenobi 😩 oof, that man is everything. Make sexual awakening if you will. So sassy, sarcastic, cunning, the accent, the eyes, the beard, the EVERYTHING. I may have a thing for ewan mcgreggor as well 👀

Favorite Adam look

Definitely the longer hair with the facial hair and leather jacket and plaid. My all time favorite is right clothes, especially t shirts👌🏼 yummmm

Favorite Adam role

Don’t kill me, but I’ve only watched two of his movies 🙈 I love Kylo Ren's character, of course, especially the bde moments 😩 stomp me! But Flip has got to be my favorite so far. He’s everything I love wrapped in a package. Love the mountain man, plaid vibes 👌🏼but Matt was my fav before Flip came along, so hilarious

Which part of Adam do you like the best? That’s like the worst thing to have to decide on 😩 it’s not physical but probably his voice. Mmmm so deep and weakens the knees! For physical, I prefer my boy swol. Gotta love them glorious TLJ titties 🔥

Favorite Star Wars Movie

So wrong that I have to choose! Haha. For the original trilogy-Empire strikes back. Prequel- I like both one and three, just...not two (sorry not sorry) 😂 and for sequel- hmmm gotta give it to TLJ. The throne room scene is hands down my favorite scene from Star Wars. Just chefs kiss

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

As far as physical artwork, I love doing all types and mediums so I won’t get into that haha but as far as writing; definitely found I prefer to write angst as well as crack (though that never starts as my intention 😂). I also adore making mood boards, just such a good time and relaxing thing to do when I’m in the mood for it!

Your TRoS prediction

Again, don’t kill me 😬 I want the Reylo happy ending just as much as anybody, but I’m not going to be surprised if we get shafted. This trilogy has taken so much from previous ones (especially the original), I just wish they were willing to take more risks. So my fear is that they’ll go the Vader redemption route. Aka kylo dies. I will be over the moon if we get what we want (and deserve) though 🙌🏼 fingers crossed!

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Bright rainbow colors coating a dark black center 😂 I’m definitely both vibes. I love dark things and creepy aesthetics, but I also love the cute and adorable side of things too 💕🌈☠️ I’m just a black cupcake with rainbow sprinkles on top

If you were a candy bar, what would your name be?

I wouldn’t! Not the biggest fan of candy, especially chocolate. Now, tacos, that’s a different story! They’re my favorite food in the whole wide world and people love them. I strive to be a taco

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating?

As quiet as possible. I’m slowly realizing that my attention span and focus is easily broken. I have a very hard time writing with any little thing going on, I start to get subconsciously anxious (playing with my hair like a mad woman). Unfortunately that means in a house with a newborn, a toddler, and a husband, I don’t get nearly as much writing done as I’d like. It can honestly be heart wrenching when I so desperately want to get my creativity out but ultimate can’t

Are you a dom or sub? 

I’m a total sub, like, spank me please and boss me around 🙌🏼 BUT when it comes to blowjobs, I OWN that dick. It is mine and I will destroy you with an orgasm 😂

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

Well. I haven’t done anything too crazy. I’ve had my fair share of doing it in public places but just around the corner and out of sight. I did it in a kid's laundry room who was in my grade during a graduation party. (What’s funny is I had never spoken a word to that kid in my life and still haven’t lolol). Also, I lost my virginity in a tent during 4h fair right next to his best friend who was sleeping 😂 but I’ve only been with one person and that’s my husband, since I was 14 💕

What's your kink?

Uniforms. Police officers and firefighters are my jam. Ugh yum

Use three words to describe yourself

Loyal (the hufflepuff way). Introverted (I regret when I go out, I regret when I stay in, there’s no middle ground 😂). Caring (being a mom and wife has been the best thing in my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Even if caring for myself tends to slip in the process lol).

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

I met this raver kid who decided to give me a raver name (I have never been to a rave in my life lolll). He asked what my favorite color was and what I liked to do and that’s how Azuwrite came to be!

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

I am easily a big spoon. I will spoon the crap out of my husband. I prefer my chest to be warm compared to my back. Plus you get to enjoy the smell of your significant other that way. Does that sound weird? 😂

Do you like it rough or soft? 

Soft can be really nice but I’m definitely a rough and tumble girl. I love the hair pulling, pounding type sex with position changes 😂

Favorite toy

I have never used or owned a toy 🙈 I’ve never needed to and I have a hard time spending money on myself hahaha but don’t fret! This girl has perfected her masturbation technique, because I may or may not have been doing it for a very long time haha

Favorite fic you've read

Oof. It feels so wrong to have to pick 😂 I definitely have a top five favorites that really brought me into the fandom. Number one has to go to Berserk by Mallie3. She put so much time and effort into it and it shows! If you haven’t read it, go do it! It’s truly a piece of art

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

I have a top three for my favorite fics I’ve done, my first three. They have so much planned and lovingly created plot behind them. It’s truly unfortunate that I don’t have more written for them. It breaks my heart. Those are my superhero au, high fantasy au, and cowboy Ben 💕 as far as art, I have made wayyyy too many mood boards to pick one joy

Favorite SW character(s) besides Kylo and Rey

Obi Wan. Hands down. No competition. That man is bae and I will forever be his number one fan 💕💕

———

Drnucleus

(Tumblr: @drnucleus | Twitter: drnucleus | Ao3: drnucleus)

What got you into Star Wars?

My mom putting on the VHS since I was a baby. She was a fan and made sure I became one too!

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!The way he looks at her when she calls the legacy saber to herself in TFA.

Why do you write / make art?

Because no one else was gonna write kink fic that focused on the beauty of it instead of just the smut.

The Object of your Thirst…

Adam and Daisy (girl makes me question my sexuality)

Which Adam look do you like the best?

TROS. Also I like any of his looks from movies/tv

Which Adam avatar/ role do you like the best?

I love Paterson, but I think Ben Solo is my favorite.

Which part of Adam do you like the best? 

Self deprecating humor and thoughtful answers to interview questions

Favorite Star Wars Movie

The Last Jedi and Empire Strikes Back

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

Romance, kink, comedy, science competence porn

Your TRoS Prediction

Romantic Reylo and a deliciously cheesy HEA

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Purple, green, teal, galaxy images and velvet textures with overstuffed comfort furniture

If you were a candy bar, what would your name be?

Nougatine

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating? 

Comfy chair, music, tea or wine

Are you a dom or sub? 

Dom

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

Back of a pickup truck under the stars.

What's your kink?

Communication and goddess worship, also anatomically on men, forearms, hands, eyes.

Use three words to describe yourself

Witty, driven and anxious

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

It was from a super hero name generator!

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

Depends on my mood.

Do you like it rough or soft? 

Also depends on my mood.

Favorite toy

Sex toy: the fainting goat vibrator, regular toy - my apple watch

Favorite fic you read

Unbidden by Perry Downing

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

Bedroom Hymns

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Leia

cc: @tazwren @deadlikemoi @drnucleus @ashtyntaytertot @lostinqueue-ffa @my-jedi-life @shestoolazytologin @kaybohls @nite0wl29 @cosmo-gonika @wilsonthinks66 @roguesinside @areylofan @3todream3 @koderenn @queenoferebor @thereylowritingden @housedadam @house-crylo @houseplaidam

[ashtheshortstack]

take my scars & make them stars - prologue

Rating: M Ship: Kristoff/Anna prologue

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sick Fic, Cancer Fic, Chronic Illness, Chemotherapy, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Angst with a happy ending, Mutual Pining, Mentions of Character Death

Read on Ao3 

Next Chapter

Anna Anderson had grown up in a rather… sheltered environment, not that she’d like to admit it. When admitting to a sheltered life, it meant she was implying she was naïve, innocent, and unsure of the world. Which wasn’t true at all.

Mostly.

Being raised in her household meant she was always in Elsa’s shadow. Her elder sister was born premature, and their mother had a lot of complications during delivery. Elsa was labeled a “sickly child” by her parents and family. Anna shouldn’t have even been born as a matter of fact. Her mother, Iduna, was told Elsa would be the one and only child she could ever give birth to.

Clearly, that was wrong. Anna came into this world as a “miracle baby,” but a healthy one. Not one that her parents needed to fret over like Elsa.

Anna couldn’t even count the amount of doctor visits, hospital visits, or nights she was left alone with the housekeepers while her parents rushed Elsa out the door as she coughed wildly in her father’s arms. It was a miracle itself that Elsa survived cases of the flu, bronchitis, and even pneumonia once as much as she had.

“Can Elsa play today?” she had always asked.

Her father shook his head. “No, Anna. Elsa is sick today.”

“When will she get better?”

“I don’t know, Anna, I don’t know.”

When Elsa was seven, Agnarr and Iduna decided it would best to keep Anna away, for fear of her contaminating Elsa in any possible way. Her sister began wearing gloves on the regular. A mask over her face anytime they visited highly populated places. There were no more family vacations, no more sneaking outside to play, no more leaving the house.

Anna was ripped away from her first year of kindergarten as she and Elsa had begun homeschooling instead. Not together, of course. They weren’t allowed to be in the same room hardly, let alone do schoolwork together. Anna was removed from school because of the germs she could contract from other children. The possibility of having friends was suddenly unavailable.

Her parents were often busy with work as well. With Agnarr being the CEO of the family business, and Iduna often shoveling whatever overloaded paperwork he had, they didn’t have time to homeschool their children themselves. They had money for that. So, they hired tutors to teach their children. And for Anna… that meant she rarely saw her parents at all.

Elsa had their undivided attention. Whatever Elsa needed… at any time. No more bedtime stories for Anna… no more play time with Anna… She never wanted for anything. Anyone from the outside looking in would see that Anna had everything. Toys, games, books… but not the attention of her parents.

Not what she knew she deserved.

Anna could recall the lonely nights, curled up in her bed with a Gameboy in her hand. No one would ever pop in and tell her lights out. Sometimes, only sometimes, Anna wished she could be sick too. She wanted her mother and father to check on her. She wanted them to be concerned for her well-being like they were for Elsa’s.

She was special too, wasn’t she? They told her she was a miracle. A child her mother wasn’t even supposed to have. And at times… Anna wished she hadn’t. What was the point of existing when no one cared that you did?

And that’s when Anna found herself nose deep in romantic novels… Hoping to feel something. Anything at all.

She found herself wishing for that romantic moment of a prince coming to toss pebbles at her window. The desire for a man to come save her from this miserable life she’d been living consumed her mind. It was the one thing the prayed for, begged for… though there was no way to meet anyone when she was cooped up at home. Never allowed to leave the mansion for fear of getting her sister sick.

And no matter how tempted she was, Anna could never leave. If something were to happen to Elsa because she broke the rules, the guilt would eat her alive. It was a thought she couldn’t have sitting on her conscious. It was one her parents would never let her live down. She couldn’t imagine what they’d say if she was responsible for making their first born ill.

With that, Anna decided to continue her streak of dubious daughter. She followed the rules, played nice, stayed out of Elsa’s space.

And still sometimes wondered if Prince Charming would show up for her to let her hair down to him.

                                                         o~o~o~o

Thankfully, Elsa got better the older the sisters got. She was still a bit OCD, standoffish, and their parents continued to cater to her every whim. But at least they started to sit at the dinner table together every night. It was largely spread out. Elsa sat on the opposite end as to stay away from everyone else. But it was a start. Being able to talk to her parents again thrilled her. Getting to know Elsa again, her sister she’d been so close to before illnesses got the better of her, was so refreshing as well.

Anna had done everything she could to stay close to Elsa: slipping her drawings, toys, and cards under the door when she could. There was never a response, but she could see Elsa’s shadow take the item every time.

The car accident that took their parents from them when Anna was fifteen was completely unexpected. She wasn’t sure how they would make it through. Elsa would be next in line as CEO when she turned twenty-one, which was a lot of pressure to put on someone who had just lost her parents. Especially parents that coddled everything she did.

Gerda, one of their housekeepers, engaged in the lengthy process of becoming Anna’s legal guardian so the sisters could remain together in their home. It was a lot of paperwork. A lot of issues with the courts. But Gerda knew that Elsa couldn’t be Anna’s legal guardian as her health wasn’t up to par. Besides, it would only be three years until Anna was eighteen herself and could move away from home. She held onto that thought through it all. If she could just make it to eighteen, she could move out and find someone to be with.

The thought came to life sooner than Anna had expected. Gerda gave Anna the choice of enrolling in school and, of course, Anna took the opportunity to begin high school.

Which was just as much of a nightmare as television and books made it out to be. There were thankfully girls that were kind to her and took them under their wing. They had all warned her about Hans, but she didn’t take heed them. All she saw was that prince in her fairy tale dream she’d been waiting to come true. He was the first boy to show interest in her, so she’d be damned if she didn’t take the opportunity to fall in love.

She convinced herself Hans was her “true love” like all the stories told her. Elsa didn’t like him when she introduced him, but Anna brushed it off to Elsa really not liking anyone. She should’ve listened to her sister. Listened to everyone, in fact. Anna wanted to deny she was clueless, but she was. She had no idea what love was really like. She’d barely gotten it from her parents. She and Elsa didn’t start getting close until after their parents were gone…

                                                          o~o~o~o

 Senior Prom was the night that turned her dreams upside down. Hans whispered how “hot” she was in that dress. She was beautiful, he was lucky to have her, he wanted her on his arm to show off because he had the “prettiest girl in school” with him. He said all the right things. All the praises she needed to hear to flatter his way under her dress.

She’d let him. She wanted to get it over with, right? All of her friends weren’t virgins anymore. Anna was in high school, and she’d be in college the next year. It was normal to have sex with your boyfriend. Especially after prom. That’s what books told her. That’s what society told her.

The guilt ate at her afterwards. She wanted to enjoy it. This was her boyfriend, right? It should’ve been magical and great. Then why didn’t it feel that way? They were safe. Used protection. It wasn’t as if they were irresponsible.

But her body no longer felt like her own. He’d suddenly taken that from her. She felt dirty. Maybe, somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew he was no good for her. Knew he was using her. Knew he didn’t love her. The rose-colored glasses seemed to shatter… but would anyone else ever want to be with her? She didn’t think so… She was just some broken girl with dead parents and hardly a home life. The fact that Hans even spared her a glance was lucky, at best. Maybe, her wish came true in some form or fashion.

Thus, she stayed. She desperately wanted someone to care. Hans had given her attention when no one else did. So what if wasn’t the “one true love” ideal relationship she’d always dreamed of? It was still someone to be with her. Someone to kiss, to hug, to cuddle… even if he was kind of a jerk.

And she’d been stupid enough to stay with him through their first two semesters of college, despite how much worse he seemed to get. He got new friends in college… if Hans had been a jerk before, he was a real dipshit after he gathered his knew college posse. Anna had no desire to be around his frat buddies. They were obnoxious at best. They were loud, drank uncontrollable amount of beers, smoked who knows what all the time.

Everything Anna had been conditioned to avoid like the plague. She wouldn’t dare tell Elsa, who had long since taken over the company and had much less time to pay attention to Anna’s relationship woes. Elsa seemed to have given up the idea that Anna would dump the pretentious boy and accepted he was a part of her younger sister’s life.

Despite how miserable he made Anna, she was just so desperate. She’d realize that eventually when she continued to stay even though she’d overheard him say to a frat buddy that he started dating Anna in high school because there would be money to inherit eventually. It broke her heart.

She still said “yes” anyway when he proposed.

                                                           o~o~o~o

 It was the diagnosis that did her in.

When the doctor informed her, she had stage two breast cancer at the ripe age of twenty-one, a rarity. Anna decided a few things in that moment: if she was going to go through this, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be with Hans, if she was going to die (though a stage two diagnosis was hardly a death sentence especially since she was so young, but just a precaution) she sure as hell wasn’t going to let Hans have her money and profit off her dying, and she took this as her wake-up call, it was time to live her life.

She marched into his home, not even to bother knocking on the door. Only to find her fiancé lip-locking with some dark skinned, bleach blonde, who was obviously trying too hard. Anna barked out a laugh when she saw them.

Hans gaped, eyes wide as he pushed the girl. “H-Honey! Can you believe this bitch!? She just came onto me!”

Anna quickly slipped the ring off her finger before waving at him. “Oh, don’t stop on my account. I’m just here to get my things because we’re through,” she stated boldly before chucking the ring at him. It smacked him in the forehead, and he yelped. “I have cancer, too, by the way,” Anna chimed as cheerily as she could. The girl on the floor just sat stunned at the whole exchange. Hans seemed to be a bit shocked at her admission as well.

“Y-You’re sick?”

“Not that you care, but no. I’m not sick, I have cancer. There’s a difference.” Sick was a word she associated with Elsa. The sickly one. That wasn’t Anna. She wouldn’t be that girl.

Hans quickly stood from the couch. “But, hun, you need someone to be there for you through this.”

She tried not to laugh at the term of endearment. Sweet talking her wasn’t going to convince her to stay, especially not after she just caught him sucking face with a sorority girl on their couch. Anna started up the stairs to get her things, glancing back at him. “Certainly not you. I have my sister.”

“Oh, please, Anna. What has Elsa ever done for you?”

The glare she shot him was deadly enough, she hoped. “Warned me about you, for one. And I’ve put up with your shit long enough, Hans Westergard.”

His feigned concerned expression quickly turned into a smirk, as if he could finally drop the act. “Please, you think your sister will take care of you? What a joke, Anna, you said yourself she couldn’t even take care of herself growing up.”

There it was. That dark tone his voice took when he was talking about her behind her back. The one he tried to hide from her, but she’d heard anyway. He was only trying to keep her because he wanted to use her. He definitely saw dollar signs knowing she was diagnosed with cancer of all things. Hans didn’t know the details, so of course, he would just think she was going to die.

She continued up the stairs to their room, and he followed after her. Anna grabbed her suitcases from the closet. Yanking her clothes from the drawers and closets, she began shoving her garments into the bags. Hans stood in the doorway. If he was going to try to block her in, he had another thing coming.

“Honestly, Anna, this is ridiculous. You need someone to take care of you.”

“Like hell it’ll be you. I’d rather be surrounded by people who love me.”

He chuckled, leaning against the doorway. “Oh, if only someone did.”

Anna felt her fingers quivering. Oh, how badly she wanted to chunk something as his face. But she didn’t. Knocking him out with a snowglobe would be a poor decision. “You said you did,” she hissed. “But I’ve known for so long that it was fake. That is was all a lie. But I still stayed and hoped you would change like a complete fool.” She slammed the suitcases shut and zipped them quickly. “Not anymore, Hans.”

Walking towards him, he did as she suspected and blocked her exit. She gave him a hard stare. “I’ll have a moving truck come to pick up the furniture my sister paid for in a few days.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Her fist collided straight with his jaw. Hans stumbled backwards, falling to his ass on the carpeted floor. Rubbing his jaw, he glared up at her in surprise. Anna fled immediately. The girl was sitting on the couch awkwardly, staring at the engagement ring Hans had sat on the table.

“Good luck with him,” Anna blurted before slamming the front door behind her.

                                                         o~o~o~o

 As she drove away, the house she’d shared with Hans faded quickly in the background, she shed tears she’d kept in for so, so long. She kept her gaze on the road, driving towards the mansion, and wiped away the dampness on her cheeks.

Anna had led a sheltered life and had had many wishes growing up. She wished to have a prince to come save her from the mansion and take her away. She wished to be sick like her sister, so her parents would pay her the same attention they gave Elsa…

She realized in that moment that she shouldn’t had had such desires in the first place. Wishing on a star in real life was entirely overrated…

[korora12]

Tagged by @corisanna

1. What is your favorite relationship type to write/read? Romantic, platonic, familial, and any subtypes.

I like romantic relationships that don’t rely solely or primarily on physical attraction, but instead on a deep similarity between the two characters. I like when two people meet eyes and realize that “You understand me. You get me better than anyone else I’ve ever met, and I feel less lonely knowing that someone else sees the world the same way I do.”

2. How much or what kind of research do you do for your fiction? If you don’t write, has a fic ever made you curious enough to research something?

Only as much as is necessary. I usually use research as a springboard for inspiration when I hit a block, letting myself wander the fields of Wikipedia until I stumble upon something that knocks the block loose.

Of course, sometimes I research stuff just for fun, with no relation to my writing whatsoever, until some random point down the line where it suddenly does and I’m super happy I already know [Random Fact #237].

3. What was the first work of fiction you remember becoming completely engrossed in?

Hmm. Probably Animorphs. I remember doing everything I could to hunt down the numerous books in the series (back in the ancient, pre-Amazon Prime days). I’d prowl the various school and public libraries near me, ask for specific books in the series for Christmas and birthdays, and even buy the occasional book at the yearly Scholastic Book Fairs, using what little money I got for an allowance.

I made it most of the way through the series, but then there was one book, near the end, that I couldn’t find, no matter how hard I looked. And it was an important, plot-changing, book that I had to read before continuing. Which meant I never actually finished the series.

Of course, nowadays you can find them all online as pdfs. Maybe I should revisit the series sometime and finally finish it. I already know how it ends, but I still feel like those last few books deserve to be read.

4. What work(s) had a lasting influence on you or your writing style?

Going back to Animorphs again. There is a straight-line connection between me reading that series as a child, through my elementary school friends Brooke, who was obsessed with dogs, and Caitlin, who was even more obsessed with dolphins (I used to find pictures of dolphins in magazines and cut them out just to give to her), through my Grandma’s love of science, all the way to my decision to study Zoology in college. If I had never read those books, I wouldn’t have developed the passion for animals and animal behavior that has shaped my life for over two decades.

Also, stylistically speaking, I really respect that series for how it treated its readers. Its target audience was grade schoolers, and yet it never shied away from showing the realities of violence and war. I don’t know that I’ll ever write children’s literature, but I’ll always have this series to remind me of what kids are capable of understanding and handling.

5. What kind of sound environment do you prefer for writing/reading? Silent, white noise, music with/without words, sitting in a public place with the ambient noise of humanity, etc.

Depends on how well my brain is cooperating. Pure silence is ideal, but more often than not there’s some manner of song stuck on repeat in the background of my mind, and the only way to drown it out is with non-lyrical music of some sort. Usually I try to pick songs that match the mood of whatever scene I’m trying to write.

6. Are you or do you like authors who are teases, in story or out?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m a big fan of the Death of the Author trope, so I tend not to get too worked up by whatever the author may be saying and just let the story speak for itself.

My first instinct is to say that an author shouldn’t worry too much about what their fans think and should write the story they want to write, and it will find readers that appreciate it. However, I recognize that the nature of serial online writing, such as fanfiction, changes the game a bit. Such authors have a much more immediate, direct connection with their readers than authors who release one or two physical books every year or so. Some authors take that to an extreme, turning stories almost into a dialogue with their readers, each new chapter in some way defined by how people reacted to the previous one. And that doesn’t even touch on Quests, a type of story on forums sites such as Spacebattles and Sufficient Velocity that require player input on a regular basis to continue. In these types of situations, I can hardly blame an author for playing with their readers heads a bit. The reactions they have can be a form of entertainment all their own.

7. Have you ever experienced a “the characters write themselves” or “character rebellion” mental state?

Not yet. For the time being, I remain in complete control of my universes, but I recognize the hubris of assuming this to be a permanent state.

8. Do you have a favorite franchise crossover? Like Bleach/Harry Potter, Madoka Magica/Card Captor Sakura, etc.

I don’t know if I have a particular favorite. I was really fond of Secret Trio for a while, which is Danny Phantom, American Dragon Jake Long, and Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja. I’m still very fond of the Disney/Square Enix megacrossover that is Kingdom Hearts, despite being very disappointed in the most recent game in the series. Then there’s Kino’s Journey/Anything, mostly because I love Kino’s Journey, and I love seeing her response/reaction to various other worlds.

Also, Stargate/Anything. The only reason I ever started watching the show was because I’d read several different fics, all in different fandoms (Avatar, Yu-Gi-Oh, Star Wars, Naruto), and all of which crossed over with Stargate. Despite the similarities, both being sci-fi stories set around the turn of the millennium involving mind-controlling aliens, I’ve yet to see a good Stargate/Animorphs crossover. It’d be pretty easy to do, too. There’s a point in the Animorphs series where they decide to bring knowledge of their guerrilla war to the attention of the US government. If they’re already in the Stargate universe, I’m sure the president will quickly pass the problem along to the experts, and suddenly you’ve got the perfect setup of adults who think they know how to handle the problem, are mostly right, and don’t want kids fighting in a war, vs child soldiers who have no intention of giving up the fight so near its end, even if the adults are more competent than they expected.

I’m gonna have to write it myself, one of these days, if no one else gets around to doing it.

9. Do you remember anything about the first fanfic you ever read?

Two Halves by DameWren. My first fandom was Naruto, and my first fanfic was a NaruHina fic that both introduced me to the concept of fandom, and also sold the ship for me in a way that I’ve never shaken. I remember very little beyond that, except that it managed to correctly predict that Naruto would go on a training trip, despite being written before such an event happened in canon.

10. Is there a work of fiction that you are annoyed doesn’t have much if any fic? Like Bizenghast.

Kino’s Journey, Cowboy Bebop, Double Arts (just never got enough attention in general)

11. What fictional character do you strongly identify with?

Weiss Schnee, from RWBY. While I’ve never been accused of being rich, I am a middle child with a much older sister that cut ties with the family when I was young and a younger brother that I never got along with while growing up. My parents were also abusive, my father physically and both of them emotionally, and they taught me a number of unhealthy ideas about race, amongst other things, that I’ve had to put serious effort into unlearning. And I have, since becoming an adult, traveled long distances across the world, partially for my own benefit, and partially to distance myself physically from a family I’ve never felt particularly close to, resulting in a drastic personality shift that took a couple years to complete, but ultimately left me a very different, and much better, person.

So, yeah, Weiss is basically my favorite RWBY character, and one I really need to write more often, all things considered.

That was fun! I’ve never been tagged in anything like this before. My turn for questions!

1. What is your the most recent fandom you’ve gotten involved in? Have you made any content for it?

2. Do you have a favorite AU/plotline that you love regardless of fandom (ie. Peggy Sue, Coffee Shop AU, Space AU, Self-Insert)? What about it do you like?

3. If you write, how do you go about deciding a character’s sexuality? If not, do you ever have any sexuality headcanons for characters?

4. What’s the longest fanfic that you’ve ever read, beginning to end?

5. How often do you make something you’re proud of? Doesn’t have to be writing, just has to be something that wouldn’t exist if you hadn’t made it yourself.

6. What are your opinions on OCs in fanfiction?

7. What is your favorite storytelling medium (ie. television, written word, spoken word, video games, song, etc.)?

8. What was the last song you had stuck in your head, and what was it about?

9. Do you prefer reading/writing stories set in fictional worlds, or stories set in the real world/real world analogous (ie. Supernatural or Marvel Comics)?

10. If you could bring one fictional character into the real world, who would it be and why?

11. Pick your favorite of the questions I was asked to answer for yourself.

I just realized that I don’t know how many of my followers are writers. I guess @hunkygoddess @tmifangirl21 @queendarktigress @ladyvallhalla @i-mushi @xekstrin @shinobicyrus and anyone else who sees this and might be interested. No pressure, it’s just for fun!

[marypsue]

fanfic: First 5 prime numbers!

why would you force me, a writer and known dumbass, to try to remember math stuff

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one? 

I was going to be extremely witty and paste in screenshots of the list of fandoms on my AO3, but tumblr is having a breakdown and won’t let me, so I’ll just go with the short answer: lots. 

There are different things I like about all of the different canons - and fandoms - that I’ve written for. I love cheesy jokes no matter where I go, but I also like the rich mine of angst and garish darkness that the Lost Boys have to offer. I love the fairy-tale structure and the heady romance of Labyrinth, I like how I can basically just write original fiction when it comes to the X-Men and it’s probably canon to something somewhere, and I appreciate the challenge of trying to nail the tone of RAM while still keeping the depth of character and the core of sincerity and emotion that I’m gonna end up bringing to anything I write about. (And also, projecting. Did I mention projecting?)

ROTG in particular stands out for the sheer creative freedom the fandom encouraged - we made up an AU where several different versions of the main villain (English movie, Finnish dub, book, concept art) lived together and attended the same university (along with multiple versions of the other characters) and it was sheer unadulterated crack. We wrote mythos. We wrote an expanded steampunk Treasure Planet universe full of high tragedy and classic-children’s-lit drama. We wrote poetry. We wrote ambitious crossovers and extraordinarily complex backstories for characters who ended up being Not That Deep. We wrote ridiculous comedy nonsense. We wrote so much fluff. My partner @gretchensinister created an entirely original fantasy alternate world and wrote a high fantasy novel inspired by the characters, which she’s planning to turn into an original series (speaking of, I will always shamelessly plug A Draught Of Light. If you liked A:TLA, you owe it to yourself to read it, and you don’t need to know anything about ROTG to enjoy it. In fact, you might enjoy it more not knowing anything about ROTG, though a few inside jokes might go over your head).

With that said, though, I think I have enjoyed writing for Gravity Falls the most. Partly it’s because of the skills I developed working in the other fandoms, so that now I feel confident enough in my work that I can stop worrying so much about making it good and just have fun with it. Partly it’s because the tone, the mood and the theme, of the series align with my interests and my values so well. It’s the kind of story that I would like to write, it’s the kind of story that I wish I’d written, and I love all of the characters so much but also can relate to so many of them, that getting to expand on it and play in its universe is just a treat and a joy. I may have found my forever fandom.

(The rest of this is going behind a cut for length because it turns out all of my answers are like this.)

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I…don’t get reader inserts. Especially the ones that include the little (y/n). (Partly because it jolts me right out of a story, partly because for the first while after the trend started, I was reading them as ‘yes/no’ and was extremely confused.) I understand that the intent is to create a story where the reader can easily imagine themselves as the protagonist, but…you have to give that protagonist some traits, and have them make choices, and in order to do that you have to give them some sort of a personality, and then 1) not every person who reads it will be able to go ‘oh yeah, that’s me’ and 2) you’ve got an original character anyway! 

I saw a post recently where someone had drawn a picture with the caption “this is what (y/n), the reader of my story x, looks like” and listed a set of personality traits/likes and dislikes, like, at that point…just give them a name! They’re an OC! 

With that said, though, like self-inserts, reader inserts are fun (for people who like that sort of thing) and harmless, and I really hope nobody’s being a dick about them. Fandom should be fun, and even if I don’t get that thing you’re doing for fun, that doesn’t mean you’re Doing It Wrong.

Also, I fucking love making up OCs, and if allowed, I would do nothing but that all day.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Oh, this is cruel. I should not have done this. 

So, there are a lot of them. Apparently some people don’t spend all their free time coming up with bullshit ideas that spiral wildly out of their control into full, developed narratives that require tens of thousands of words to fully express? I bet those people have cleaner bedrooms than I do. Also probably more money.

Again, I’ve gotten better at this with lots of time and practice, so a lot of my earlier stuff is less well-executed than I’d want it to be. There are still ideas that I like, and stuff I’m proud of finishing, but I wouldn’t say they’re favourites, because the execution is less skillful and less polished than some newer things. With that said, though, I still have a big ol’ soft spot for Northern Lights, which was my indoctrination into the genre of ‘wildly self-indulgent crossovers and rampant canon revisionism’. Same with It Was A Dark And Stormy Night, the first multi-chaptered thing I ever finished. You can see the seeds of some classic Mary tropes in it, including ‘what if we just took all the female characters who were mentioned once and develop them into fully-realised people with important roles in this story’, as well as some tropes that have since fallen by the wayside (I do not do nearly as much with fairy tales as I did when I was a teenager).

Dreamland deserves a shot at the title, as do Reincarnation Blues and Raising Stakes. But purely for scale, ambition, and how closely the execution matches the ideal version that exists only in my head, my absolute favourite multi-chaptered fic has to be Hive. I’ve been trying to write decent horror for eleven long years and Hive makes me feel like I’ve finally nailed it. 

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Preferred time to write is from midnight to 2am. 

Best time to write is literally any other time than that, probably. 

(I’ve read all the science and the thinkpieces. I am aware that the only reason 2am seems like such a good time for creative work is because you’re tired enough that your internal self-regulation is low and your inner critic is silenced, and also because it’s often the only time when we sit down and let ourselves focus on the work with no distractions - because there aren’t any. I’m working on introducing this environment into the rest of my day so that I am not in a permanent state of sleep deprivation. Funnily enough, writing in a dimly-lit room and working on a dimmed computer screen really seems to help.) 

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not that I can remember.

To be fair, I have received very few criticisms after posting that were about writing issues rather than matters of personal taste (and most of those have been along the lines of ‘so uh, I know you knew mentally what was going on in this scene, but the critical piece of information never actually made it to the page’). But…I also…take long enough to work on things and have so many damn things on the go that once something is posted, it’s posted, and I have to make a promise to myself to never touch it again, otherwise I would spend all my time nitpicking and never finish anything. If somebody’s noticed a legitimate issue or possible improvement, it is incredibly likely that I will go ‘oh dang why didn’t I notice that’ and then mentally file it for use in future stuff. I’ve only ever taken one fic down, and most of the edits I do after the fact are for tagging or author’s notes.

I did amend the ending of Any Misery You Choose, but that was less because I got criticism (people were actually incredibly nice about it!) and more because I was extremely dissatisfied with how the original ending turned out, because I hadn’t adhered to the plan I myself had made, because I was rushing to finish the damn thing. (Protip: don’t do that.)

(please, please, please let these actually be the first five prime numbers)

[actualbird]

been a while since ive recced some fics but here are some new stuff ive read and LOVED lately (previous fic rec lists | bmc fic rec page)

boyfs

Protector by DivineProjectZero

With Michael, he feels safe.

(wherein Jeremy Heere is scared of girls and Michael Mell is his last line of defense.)

okay this entire rec list is jenny’s fault because she just finished protector and i wanted to yell about it more than i already have. i know ive recced this before but now it’s COMPLETE AND YOU SHOULD ALL GO READ IT, FUUUUUUCCK.

ive been screaming about this fic ever since it started. it’s a fantastic, well written, hilarious, GUT WRENCHING masterpiece with all the fun things that makes a fake dating fic a joy to read + 10000 more incredible things. i have laughed out loud reading this fic. i have shed real fucking tears reading this fic. i nearly threw my phone out the window of a moving car, one memorable moment. please. just. if on the off chance you havent read this fic yet, please do. it’s a long, lovely journey that’s wonderfully written with fantastic characterization and chapters that have u clawing for MORE. im tryna stay vague about describing this fic bc i f i went into detail, this post would be too long.

read this fic. please. you will thank me, but u gotta thank jenny first for creating all of it.

It Don’t Mean a Thing (Cause He Ain’t Got That Swing) by AMRV_5

Jeremy loves jazz, but really, really, really can't play it. After a disastrous recital, he swears off jazz forever and gives up his dreams of performing to major in music education... until a fateful scheduling issue forces him into a jazz and improv class. There he meets Michael Mell, an insufferably cool bassist who doesn't know how talented he really is. Together, they have the potential to create something incredible. That is, if they can get along for even half a second.

okay so it takes A Lot for me to get into a WIP but holy SHIT im fucking obsessed with this fic!!!! it is exactly what is says on the cover and so much more. this fic is PHENOMENAL. i know nothing about music, but the way it’s written makes me not just understand whats going on but feel just how charged that scene is too. I DIDNT KNOW DUETS/QUARTETS COULD HAVE THIS MUCH FUCKING TENSION, BUT THIS FIC DOES IT, and i dont even know what any of the technical shit means!! just. it’s execution is done so so well, im fucking floored. like. this entire fic is very well written, but the music scenes are dripping with skill. if im not making sense, i guess youll just have to read the fic to get what im talking about //eyes emoji

another thing among Many Things that knocks it out of the ballpark in this fic is the characterization. jeremy. oh god, jeremy. i wont spoil, but this version of jeremy is by far one of the most interesting interpretations ive ever seen and it’s  pulled off fantastically. our boy has a lot more bite in this fic and i love it. it’s so good. god. everybody in this fic is so good. god. looks like you’ll have to read the fic to get what im talking about //eyes emoji but more intense

JUST!! READ THIS FIC!! START FOLLOWING THIS FIC!!! it’s got Pining and Slowburn and Misunderstandings and some of The Most engaging scenes ive read in a long time. this whole fic is so clever and so crisp and each update has me fucking screaming.

a little unsteady by starlithorizons

Michael's hidden domain has always been the rollerskating rink - a home away from home. Jeremy isn't so suited for the environment.

Maybe he can fix that.

OHHHH gosh this. this fic is so good?? it’s like the ideal fluff imo??? like, it’s not all Perfect and happy but that little conflict that happens just kinda emphasizes how these boys can always work to make things Better and Happy and it just warms my heart lots. the pov here is so lovely to read because it’s michael “hearteyes” mell and it’s Beautiful. the jokes r in this fic are hilarious and land so well. this is such a prime feel-good fic i Love It Lots.

flash point by Kalopsia

you know what they say, jeremy heere. those who play with fire are bound to get burned.

(Jeremy kisses Michael on a worn red leather couch the summer before their junior year. Then he takes the Squip, and it’s all ablaze from there.)

i HONESTLY do not have words to either praise this in the way it deserves to be praised which seems to be a mcfcuking trademark for emma’s writing hksjfdshh. but god. this fic is a breathtaking read with fantastic imagery and beautiful overarching metaphor hhhh!!! the emotions are so clear and!!! //aggressive gesturing!! just read it!!!!

a crimson headache, aching blush [series] by pondify

He supposes that it began, as it always does, with Michael.

a series of short yet HEARTBREAKING fics. every fic is a study of jeremy’s pining while he’s in a fwb relationship with michael and. jesus. this series is a testament to how much punch you can pull in short scenes. fucking incredible writing right here.

-

meremine

Gewissensbisse by Nymm_At_Night

Old rumors get a new lease on life, high school is shit, and Jeremy, Christine and Michael learn to make it a three player game.

AAAAGGGHHH GOD THIS FIC WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. this fic does not shy away from so many issues and consequences that happen post-musical, and reading it hurts so much at times but it all comes together and it’s ridiculously satisfying. this fic is super well rounded cuz it’s got so much and it’s all done AMAZINGLY?? characterization and writing are INCREDIBLE here. the humor in this fic is so well done i was clutching my sides wheezing at times. and overall, just watching jeremy go through everything +++ being in love with TWO people is such a ride. such a fantastic ride. 

-

pinkberry

sweet like vanilla is by loveinamaltshop

Brooke didn’t deserve to love someone like her. She deserved the complete opposite of Chloe—kind and maybe a little shy and nerdy but was constantly and needlessly good to her. Someone constantly smiling like she is, too. Someone like Jeremy.

She looks at Michael, who’s so close to passing out and wonders if she looks exactly like he does right now. Tired and pathetic. Rubbing at her face, she decides she definitely does.

— In which Chloe and Brooke are both insecure in ways they'll never admit to the other.

THIS FIC HURTS BUT GOD, IT’S SO DONE WELL. multipov with phenomenal characterizations for every character, this fic is a heartbreaking peek into tiny tragedies. the scenes in this fic are simple yet brutal and yet so undeniably real and human. this fic is beautifully written, and if you can handle unrequited feelings pain, you definitely need to fucking read this.

when i'm close to you (we blend into my favourite colour) by sulfuric

statistically, most people don't take more than five seconds to say something to their soulmate after realizing the universe has paired them together. brooke and chloe take approximately six years, but better late than never, right?

soulmate au!! this fic quite literally one of the most gorgeous pieces ive ever read. the writing is incredible and the imagery is so vivid at the soulmate universe, something im not usually a fan of, is turned into an incredible setting for a riveting love story. the character povs are incredible and every emotion is conveyed so well. sometimes too well bc hjhksdfhshh pain but really, this fic is a masterpiece, jesus. JESUS!!

happy reading everybody! leave comments and kudos on fics u liked!! fic writers are So Good and we’re So Lucky

[sweetwriting]

Tim Drake Week 2017 - Day 5 : Injury / Healing

Category : Gen

Genre : Angst / Family

Fandoms : DC Comics, Batman (1940), Detective Comics, Robin v4 (1993), Red Robin (2009), Teen Titans (2003)

Continuity : Post-Crisis/Pre-Flashpoint

Summary : So maybe Tim loved Dick too much, but to be fair Dick was the only person he had to love for a long time.

Author’s notes : This one’s about Tim and Dick’s BROTHERLY relationship Also I try to keep most of the fics for this Week less than 1000 words...I have failed yet again

Word Count : 2827

To read it on AO3

Tim, as can be expected from any non-powered person running around in costume fighting criminals, had received many injuries in the past four years (as proved by his asplenia). Physical, psychological (thank you Scarecrow, Darkseid and Granny Goodness, you've been some of the worse) and emotional, he went through them all. It probably did not help that he was from a rich family (no matter how reckless he could be sometimes, he still lived in as safe an environment Gotham or boarding school for Richie rich (white) kids could be) or that he wasn't very emotionally stable to begin with (he never realized it until he got the chance to open up to his friends and they looked at him as if he was the "saddest little bean" ever -Conner's own words. He hadn't known Bart and Conner were able to feel like this toward anything other than children, women or TV shows and Video Games).

So yeah, lots and lots of bad History there. Still the worse injuries had been the emotional and psychological ones (he still had nightmares about their time on Apokalips, he still sees the nightmares Granny Goodness had created for him, he had nightmares where he didn't "turn down" the Anti-Life Equation and those were often mixed with memories of a future where he became a dictator, where he had managed to clone Conner). The worse ones though were the deaths : Steph, Bart Cass. It didn't matter if some ended up not being real he was still forced to start grieving and psychology hadn't really caught up on how to react to your friends coming back to life. There was also that time he was preparing himself for Dick joining the list (he honestly doesn't know what would have happened to him if Dick had died) and Dana, though not physically wounded was pretty much unable to handle a complete conversation or even take care of herself. His mother and father were special cases themselves as what hurt the most was never knowing what could have been and knowing what never was. Then there were the harshest ones : Conner's and Bruce's. They had both impacted him so deeply he didn't think he would ever truly heal from them. Conner's because, well because he's his best friends, one of the most important people in his life (and hadn't that been an unexpected turn) and Bruce, well, because it's Bruce. Tim became Robin to protect him from himself (and barely lasted four years and a half). But everything that happened because of his death made it worse.

And that's what this is about right ?

Tim loves Dick. He has since he was 3. Dick was his role model, then his big brother, one of the rare people he could confide in (After Conner's death, when they were gone and later on learning Bart's "disappearing act" he became pretty much the only one aside from Cassie sometimes). The tragedy of Dick's childhood shaped his life.

And Dick chose Damian. He knew that he had failed Bruce but he still deserved to be Robin and yet Dick had chosen this homicidal kid for the role. And of course, Dick was the new Batman, the former Robin, of course his vision for the role is what mattered most. But...Tim was the one who had...he had to force Bruce to take on a new Robin, he worked himself almost to the death to be worthy of the mantle and it was taken from him. Dick didn't even have the gut to tell him he just...he was walking in to get changed Damian was wearing a Robin uniform. Was it that hard to tell him? Was it because of his theory that Bruce is alive? Did Dick think he was so mad with grief he really didn't deserve the mantle? What was Tim supposed to do? He just said that it was because he thought he was ready to be his own hero. But then why not talk it through with him? He didn't even have the time to choose a new name and he had to find Bruce. He didn't *have* the time for that. How could Dick do that to him. How could he suggest that Tim was mad when he was the one running away from his grief? Dick was the one who got angry at Bruce Oh so many times because he made decisions without consulting the people concerned and Dick did exactly the same with Tim.

The hypocrisy was daunting. Tim had always known that Dick was more similar to Bruce than either of them would admit. But they were similar and it made Tim so, so sad. he didn't know what to do.

Yes, he did.

He had to find Bruce. Because Bruce has to be alive. Because he needs to not be mad. Because his brother, his model admitted that Tim just wasn't enough. No matter the excuses he tried to give, at the end of the day, Tim lost his second father in a year and his brother took the last thing Tim had from him. Took the last bit of anything right in his life away from him to give it to someone who had tried only a few months prior to kill him in order to become Robin. And well Tim had just lost the two things he had left. Damian had reached his goal even if it wasn't in the way he had expected.

But Tim still had one thing to do and he couldn't actually die until it was done. He had to bring Bruce back home.

Bruce had been back for a year now. Tim…still hadn't really talked with either of them.

The truth is that he spent most of his downtime with Conner, Bart, Cassie, or any of the Titans (it turns out Solstice had actually met his father when he went out on a dig once) rather than try to talk to any of the Bats outside of Barbara, Alfred and Cass.

He and Steph had a truce and they could work together if they had to but it was still awkward. They had, after all always had this on and off relationship which only stopped when she died. Her coming back to life ended up with him being confused about which part he was supposed to be feeling : wanting to start again like they always did ? or just try and be friends ? Because it wasn't like it had been with Ariana, when he had pretty much already moved on when they broke up. His and Steph's break up was sudden to him (even if in retrospect he realized it was bound to happen soon enough) and her death only happened within a few weeks of it. He never had the time to realize a car hit him before a truck hit him harder. And this time it seemed to be truly over but what do you do when you have a history of going back to this person, even if you have realized you only did it because of familiarity? Because you missed having intimacy with someone and it was just easier to fall back into a known situation even if it wasn't an ideal one, even if you knew it was going to end badly but couldn't help hoping it wouldn't simply out of fear of being alone, out of fear of never finding anyone you could get this intimacy with.

Tim wished he had an answer to this question but the truth is that he was still struggling. He was lucky he had his friends back to keep him out of Gotham on a regular basis, to be in a somewhat supportive environment. It wasn't perfect obviously, they all had their own issues and Conner and Cassie's strained relationship wasn't easy especially for him and Bart. Because while they were all best friends Bart and him were better friends with Conner than they were with Cassie and Cassie knew it and even if neither tried to make them chose between them (it wasn't a "who to side with" choice obviously, more of "who gets to keep who" kind of choice) they all knew what that choice would be, especially for Tim (Bart might choose Cassie just to counterbalance Tim's choice, even if it wouldn't be his main choice), and it hurt because they did love Cassie. So even if they didn't talk about it, the elephant was in the room. Or at least it was until Bart couldn't stand it and locked the three of them in a room until they either "killed each other, made up or had a threesome" (the last one had shocked them, both because they didn't understand why Bart would associate the idea of a threesome with them and because, even if they knew Bart had grown up and was knowledgeable about a variety of subjects, some things were still hard to swallow and Bart being aware of sex always managed to surprise them no matter how often it happened). Of course they could have gotten out easily, between the two powerhouses and Tim's own pick locking skills, it was child's play. Only, if Bart hadn't intervened, Tim wouldn't have lasted much longer. So when his friends got ready to destroy the door, he stopped them and forced them to confront their issues (it was so much easier to force other than to do it himself). And sure, just because they talked about it, it didn't mean everything was all and good but it meant that at some point it could be.

And why was he saying this? Because he was avoiding the situation at hand obviously. He was in a coffee shop, sitting across from Dick, a cup of hot chocolate filled with melting whipped cream between his hands. Cass was right, they had to talk things through. Still, she had allowed him a few months because for once in his life he felt he had a right to not forgive right away. Sure it seemed petty but, Tim always forgave people. There were only five instances when he didn't forgive right away: when Bruce had revealed his identity to Steph, when half of Young Justice had admitted to not trusting him (when Kon and Bart had admitted to not trusting him), when he learned that Leslie Thompkins and Steph had lied to them about Steph's death, when Jason had tried to kill him and when Damian had tried to kill him. And even then he had always forgiven in the weeks that followed (it took a lot longer for Leslie, Jason and Bart but the circumstances were different...and he's still struggling with the Damian situation but it's complicated and linked to this one). Simply put, Tim had to live through hell. He hadn't been sure he would survive the emotional strain and at some point he hadn't even been sure he wanted to (actually he was sure he hadn't wanted to). And of course, he wasn't the only one, he knew that but it didn't make his distress go away. So he let himself feel it, acknowledge his feelings for once (which was actively encouraged by his friends) until Cass decided enough was enough (she was right of course it was starting to wring him down, whether he managed to bridge the gap between them or not, he needed to let go).

The thing is, Dick had never apologized.

It may seem stupid but Dick was the biggest influence in his life, along with Bruce, and he had taken everything away from him without even informing him and, and he hadn't even apologized.

This was going to be long.

The whipped cream was completely melted by now. He hadn't been this awkward with Dick since Dick had been his own Batman. It was a lifetime ago (and even then the awkwardness wasn't nearly this bad). He didn't know what to say. Dick seemed to be as lost as he was and he could see Cass hovering nearby. And he couldn't hold it in anymore:

"You never apologized" he blurted out, eyes still lost in his mug.

Dick was obviously taken aback (and why wouldn't he, they had been silent for at least 5 whole minutes before Tim started talking), so he continued.

"You took the Robin mantle from me and gave it to Damian of all people. I had to work at convincing you and Bruce I deserved it and he got it almost right after Bruce's death, you didn't even have the decency to ask me if I was ready, if I was okay for it. I get why he needed it now, but back then you just sprung it on me. You did to me what you're always reproaching to Bruce. I lost my second father in a year, most of my friends were dead and you took away not only the role I had worked so hard to fill and you took my trust in you with it. You even took the trust I had in Cassie when you asked her to come and convince me I was mad. You pretty much called me crazy."

Tim stopped for a second. Taking a deep breathe he looked up from his hot chocolate. Dick seemed to be about to say something but didn't seem to be able to form any words and Tim would have interrupted him anyway. He needed to finish what he had started or he might lose al his courage :

"I know you have emotional issues, we all do, but I thought you could at least manage to apologize. I was alone Dick, I didn't feel safe anywhere because it felt like at any point you were going to send someone new to convince me to go to Arkham. And I get that you had other things to do and that all of a sudden you had other responsibilities on top of having to deal with Bruce's death but it doesn't change the fact that I was one of your responsibilities and you chose to give up on me. You acted as if I had this, big and sudden change, like my emotional instability was somehow new. Like your actions wouldn't, hadn't impacted it. It wasn't Dick and I'm sure you know it, that you knew it, but it was easier to ignore it."

And he knew it was harsh and even a little unfair, that he wasn't perfect either but it felt good to just, lay it out there. And Dick looked horrified and he probably hadn't realized how badly Tim was doing back then. Dick was usually good at pinpointing other's emotional weaknesses but for some reason he had never seemed to really see Tim's. He tried to reach out from across the table, tried to take Tim's hands in his own because, for once, he really needed this bit of contact. But the action surprised Tim who retracted them quickly. They both winced at the reflexive movement which was oh so reflecting of the state of their relationship. Still it seemed to renew Dick's determination and while he didn't try to touch Tim again, he made sure to look him in the eye as he spoke to him :

"You're right I'm sorry. I have no actual excuse for this except that I didn't realize what it was doing to you. I honestly thought you were ready to fly on your own and that Damian needed to be Robin in order to adjust better and I didn't think about how it'd affect you. I said it was because I considered you my equal and still pulled a Bruce and took you out of the decision-making process. And you're right I should have apologized long ago but I didn't really comprehend what had gone wrong until now and I'm so sorry. I promise I'll try to work on it but, I'm not a mind reader. You also have to promise that if I ever do something like that again you will knock some sense into me. Like you usually do with Bruce"

And that was it. Tim didn't really need some long-winded apology. This was enough : acknowledging their faults and promising they'd at least try to get better

And sure, as with Conner and Cassie's resolution, things were far from perfect and wouldn't be for a long while. But as he was suddenly enveloped in his big brother's arms (which was a nice change from Bart, Cassie and Conner, no matter how much he loved the little massaging Conner did around his ears during their half hugs)…as he finally, and for the first time in over a year, truly felt that he was loved by Dick instead of just guessing, thinking, supposing, deducing…Now that he truly felt it, knew it for sure; he had hope that he could really salvage their relationship.

Author’s Note 2 : This work is un-betaed, if you have any advice or anything don't hesitate to tell me (no I'm not fishing for comments I have no idea what you mean)I didn't talk about Tim's suicidal attempts, especially not in the conversation because I don't think either of them are ready to even start thinking about it, much less talking about it.I have put some TimKonCassie again, for a ship that I don't ship it sure comes up often (then again in all of their comics versions Kon and Cassie's relationship almost always only exist through Tim. so if I write about KonCassie it's gonna end up being KonTimCassie...)There's a tiny bit of sexism at the beginning, it's because -sadly- the 90's were a quite sexist time (not that it's much better today) and some, tendencies of the heroes reflect that (except for Kon who was actually not *that* bad, for various reasons I won't get into here until around the 60-70 issues of his first Superboy series and especially Joe Kelly and Dan Didio's run at whichpoint he became a fuckboy and even a tad homophobic (oh I long for the time when he barely batted an eyelash when he learned that his then best friend was gay and thought he and his bf were a cute couple...)), it was a time full of comments that "when cute girl talking to you/you talking to cute girl = flirting even if you're not actually interested"...

[f-imaginings]

Didn’t think I’d have to do this but I’ve got people coming to me left and right over this nonsense, conveying threats to have my work reported and pulled down blah blah blah, so let me summarize my case publicly and let you all make up your own minds. 

I’ll start by saying truthfully that I’ve never read TNP. I don’t generally read fics with non-con in them bc of bad past experiences, but from reading the prologue when researching what i supposedly plagiarized the writing seemed really good and enjoyable, with interesting themes and references. I’m sure its a lovely fic and people who enjoy it should as it stands on its own merits. 

I also haven’t plagarised anything. There is a lot of he said she said happening over that so I’ll just present the facts I have and let people make up their own minds. So far there’s just been one side of the story very loudly being told. I’ll say my piece here and people can make up their own minds. 

So I’ve never read their story. I’ve been getting some nasty harrassment though claiming I plagarised it to write my own story, which is Knowing Me, Knowing You on ao3. It’s a Billford fic, and it’s inspired by abba lyrics, Gravity Falls the series, and Journal Number 3. 

Two days ago I got this anonymous comment on my fanfic. 

This anonymous poster spammed the comments in the fic in many chapters, and also felt the need to tell everyone who regularly comments on my fic by replying to their comment how shitty my writing is and that it’s plagarising this other fic I’ve never read. 

The link to the full comments thread is here if people want to read and do their own sleuthing. 

The comments rather spitefully tell me how my writing is terrible, how I’m scum, how unoriginal I am ect. I’ll let you all read it and make up your own minds about whether this is fair to say or not. 

I then decided to go speak to the author of this fic i had supposedly plagarised, because I thought it was a misunderstanding, or that a follower of theirs who was very zealous had took it upon themselves to go rogue and harass other writers who (these are the similarities as far as they’ve been explained to me) write Billford, and have written about a human Bill helping Stanford with the portal. 

Here is my conversation with the author of TNP, screenshotted, so you can read that and make up your own mind about it too. 

It was quite startling for me to have been spoken to like this when I went amicably to a fellow writer hoping to solve a situation that was groundless and unnecessary. I was called a liar, and passive aggressive for having approached the author directly with the situation seeking a resolution. 

In an ideal world I would like an apology for this behavior, but I won’t hold my breath, I’m just here to state my case and clear my name. 

This is my fanfiction. It’s 163243 words long as of it’s last update. I started writing it on the last day of January 2017, and since then it has inspired me boundlessly. I get a lot of joy out of writing it, which is clear to see when you look at how quickly I’ve been churning out these words in this small space of time. Three months have gone by and I’m on 18 chapters and it’s been wonderful to write, I’ve had some lovely reviews from folks, and these have been the first negative reviews I have seen for it. 

I asked people who have read both of the works, my own and TNP, what the similarities were that led the author to believe I had plagarised. 

What I heard as feedback was:

Similarities

Both Billford pairing fanfics

Both involving human Bill

To do with building the portal

Differences: 

Storyline

Plot

Character design. My human Bill is black. He’s black, with gold eyes, yellow hair, and gold binding tattoos sewn into his skin. I’ve been told their Bill is italian??? Not sure where the similarities are there. 

Dynamic between Bill and Ford (TNP apparently has Bill and Ford sharing the nicknames darling and kitten. Rest assured, through the entirety of my 160,000 word fanfic not once do my Bill or Ford ever call each other anything even remotely resembling ‘darling’ or ‘kitten’ they are more likely to call each other a pain in the ass in my fic) 

World building

Characters (mine contains plenty of Fiddleford, Wendy’s mum, who I have called Willow Oakwood bc a lumberjack falls in love with her, Lazy Susan, Keyhole and Amorphous Shape, the paradox buddies, Pyronica and Kryptos on the front lines, Argos Panoptes, Raha Diniero ect) 

Sexual content (TNP contains rape and sexual harassment, my work is a slow burn of epic proportions, they only kissed for the first time in my last chapter, and Bill is averse to being touched by Stanford at first. My work also is entirely consensual as I can’t write non-con due to personal experiences)

Key events (my story involves events such as hunting down the gobblewonker with a harpoon, nearly being devoured by the island head monster, going on a double date with lazy suzan and wendy’s mum and raising the undead, giving birth to the summerween trickster, stealing treasure from Quentin Trembley’s grave, a heist at the Cryptix Noire Warping Black Market’s, and Fiddleford’s wife Patricia telling baby Tate to stop crying) 

Writing style (My writing is more light hearted, I make lots of jokes because I want to enjoy my own story. I’m told TNP is more serious)

Direction (I do not know where TNP is going, having never read it, but I know my story is going to follow along with canon up to the betrayal, after it, following Ford through the portal, and back out for Weirdmageddon) 

Having completed four years of university studying English literature, I’m very aware of how serious plagiarism is, and how seriously allegations of plagiarism need to be taken. If someone’s poured their effort into creating a work, they deserve to be credited for that work, and if a work was created in reference to something else it’s respectful to cite your references. So here are the works I have referenced in order to create this fic. 

- Hirsch, A, 2016, Journal 3; Gravity Falls, Disney Press, LA. - Gravity Falls, complete series, 2016, DVD, Disney XD, created by Hirsch, A, et al. - Abba’s complete back catalogue. 

I’ve also referenced several Wikipedia pages; the page on black markets, on hyperpyrexia, on Leonardo Da Vinci, on stethoscopes, on Argos Panoptes in Greek Mythology, and the page listing the different planets and races in the entire Star Trek series. I’ve relied on the Gravity Falls wikia to help me maintain accuracy with character names, places, details about the Shack and so on. 

I haven’t referenced, nor have I read The Ninth Paradigm. I would have tentatively liked to from reading the synopsis, but I have decided I won’t be reading it any time soon following the conversation I had with the author of the fanfic, which has soured me somewhat from consuming their content.

I work full time, 38 hour work weeks, and run a second job on the side. Something I don’t have time for is drama. I’m quite frankly surprised I even have the time to dedicate to writing this fanfic of mine, but I do, because I love Gravity Falls, I am excited about the story I’m writing, I get to laugh at my own jokes when I’m writing, I get to entertain myself, and in posting this here, hopefully entertain others.

I’m not writing this to impress anyone with my prose or build this fic into anything more than it is, it’s just a bit of fun set to Abba lyrics, inspired by Dipper in the shower singing Disco Girl aka Dancing Queen.

If I were a younger writer, or if I were less confident in myself, this kind of harassment, both in the comments here on ao3, and the conversation I had with the author of TNP when I looked to resolve the situation, would have been incredibly damaging. If I were a younger writer, being harassed, I would find the fandom uninviting, toxic, incredibly discouraging and unhealthy.

Billford as a pairing has a small enough fandom as is, looking through the tag on tumblr, there are anti-shippers adding to that environment of harassment. Adding to that environment of harassment within the fandom can only be damaging. I believe fandoms should encourage writers and content producers, that fandom should be a community where you support one another, and the base content you all enjoyed that brought you all together.

Gravity Falls fans are smart. They followed a quirky, clever, coded show from start to finish and loved every bit of it. I’m presenting the above information here so that you can all make your own minds up about this issue. I think that’s fair.

That’s all I have to say about this issue.